To the Silent, Grieving Mother

Behind the smile is a deep and abiding sadness, that you, unfortunately, feel like you must keep to yourself. I wish I could squeeze you, let you cry on my shoulder, give you freedom to grieve for your baby.

It wasn't long after trying that I knew I was pregnant. I knew because I felt different. So much was taken from me from the moment of conception - energy, appetite, dizzy spells. Still, it didn't take me long to fall for this child I was carrying; so I cannot imagine the heartache had either one been lost. Knowing this, I truly believe that it does not matter how long you carried your baby. You have every right to grieve.

You have every right to grieve.

You have every right to grieve because your baby lived. I do not know how long you carried this child, but everything scientists tell us about life defines your baby. Consider this: if bacteria on Mars is a sign of life, how much more life was in your baby? I'll prove it, beginning with the definition of life. Babies, from the moment of conception, exhibit the four qualities in dictionary.com's definition of life, "the sum of the distinguishing phenomena of organisms, especially metabolism, growth, reproduction, and adaptation of the environment." (dictionary.com)

Metabolism
The human embryo metabolizes "carboxylic acids pyruvate and lactate as its preferred energy substrates." (source) In other words, a baby - from conception - uses the chemicals carboxylic acids pyruvate and lactate to produce energy. Think about it, does a non-living organism need energy?

Growth
If a baby grew as rapidly as he/she does in the second and third trimester as they do in the first, they would weigh over a ton at birth! That is an incredible amount of growing! And most of their growing occurs during those first twelve weeks. As early as week five a baby's brain, spinal cord, heart, and other organs begin to form; and that's just the beginning! Mayoclinic.org explains that during week six, "Growth is rapid this week. Just four weeks after conception, the neural tube along your baby's back is closing and your baby's heart is pumping blood." (source) Your baby! Also, your baby begins to grow arms and legs!

To further prove this point, Swedish photographer Lennart Nilsson won an Emmy award for his microimagery pictures tracking human development as a baby grew from conception to birth! It's incredible! The title? "Miracle of Life" (source).

Growth begins from conception and that is a scientific fact. To further prove it, read about how a baby meets the reproduction and adaptation of the environment "requirements" stated in the definition of life:

Reproduction
Did you know that when twins are produced that is an example of asexual reproduction? (source) Also (according to the same source), "an increase in the number of cells occurs during normal growth and development and when tissues are replaced following injury" (aka asexual reproduction). So while your baby grows, a fertilized egg divides into two and then billions of cells. This growth and division of cells is - yup, you guessed it - reproduction. (source)

Adaptation of Environment 
As one of many arguments in this particular life-quality, let's consider how a baby adapts to an environment in the womb that lacks the nutrients he/she needs. When nutrients are scarce, studies prove that the baby adapts and begins to divert the nutrients to the most vital organ to stay ALIVE: the brain. Studies have proven that the baby adapts to the environment in the womb!

If you want further proof I suggest you read Psychology Today's article that will blow your mind: https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199809/fetal-psychology

You see, you ache because your loss was significant. This loss is not an easy loss. You do not have to be silent. You do not have to go through it alone. Grieving is necessary and so is saying good-bye.

Find Comfort in the Creator
I also hope that my sharing a few verses will give you rest. Not because it will make your heart ache less, but because it will give you a bit of understanding of the sovereign God of the universe. Did you know He set the limits for the ocean waves? (Job 38:8-11) He tells the lightening bolts where to strike? (Job 38:35, 36:32) Did you know that He set the stars in place (Psalm 8:3) and that He knows them all by name (Psalm 147:4)? Did you know that He knows each hair on your head (Luke 12:7)? With that knowledge comes comfort that the sovereign God of the universe knows the aching of your soul and He will work on your heart as you grieve,

"He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names. Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure." Psalm 147:3-5

And if He's able to do that, and significantly more, does He also sustain, create, and give life?

"In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind." Job 12:10

"his days are determined, and the number of his months is with you, and you have appointed his limits that he cannot pass." Job 14:5 

I have no idea why He called this baby to Himself so early, but I do know that God does not waste pain. He uses every thing you go through in this life to draw you closer to Himself. I cannot answer why, because I am not God, but I do know that the first time your baby opened his/her eyes, they looked into the face of Jesus, their Creator. That is an incredible thought, isn't it?

I just wanted you to know that I think of you often and pray for you every time you come to mind. I do not possess the power to ease your pain, but I know someone who does. Trust Jesus, the Comforter. Consider the people of the past who experienced extreme persecution, calamity from enemies, loss, &etc. They had a lot to say about the God of comfort,

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction," 1 Corinthians 1:3-4  

"When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul." Psalm 94:19

Even Jesus said, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4

On your darkest days, stop and consider the wondrous works of God (Job 37:14), for He alone offers peace when there is none, comfort in grief, and healing in brokenness. I pray that in the midst of your heartache you know more of our Creator, Sustainer, Savior Jesus Christ, and find comfort in His almighty, sovereign hand.

With love,
Becky