Friday, July 6, 2018

What a Failed Friendship Taught Me


Approximately two years ago a friend stopped talking to me for reasons I do not fully understand. My attempts at contacting her have been unfruitful and she has alienated herself from me and our shared friendships. The entire situation is a heartbreaking one, that I hope will be healed someday, but for the time being this failed relationship has taught me so much.

Initially I felt betrayed by her accusations, seeking my husband's advice to determine if they were unfounded. He asked me some hard questions that lead to some deep growth, why did you ask their advice? Why do you care so much about what others think? Who's advice is the advice that really matters to you and why? To fully answer those questions I had to dig deep into some dark places and ask myself if I held too tightly to the opinion of others, and then why I highly valued the opinion of others. My honest answers revealed that I was too quick to care about what others thought of me. I weighed equally the opinion of others to that of God, my husband, and the woman who disciples me. In reality, God's word and the advice of my husband and from the woman who disciples me is the only advice that truly matters.

Thankfully through this loss I've experienced the healing power of God's Word, the value of prayer, the wisdom of my husband's advice, and I sought the council of the woman who disciples me - who continually points me back to Christ.

Most importantly, I realized who I am. I am Christ's alone. It is through His death on the cross, burial and resurrection that I am who I am today. I also knew that I should be thankful for what others say, because the truth of the matter is this: only God knows the deepest, darkest crevices of my heart. Those crevices are insanely deep and they are agonizingly dark. He knows every thought and the intent of every action - so the reality is that I am a 100 times worse than what she said about me. But here's the kicker, I learned that God does not view me as she views me. He paid for my sin once - and for all time - on the cross and because of Jesus I can enter the presence of a holy and blameless God as righteous. Upon the full realization of who I am in Christ, I stopped caring about what others said! My identity was founded on nothing other than Christ. This solid foundation changed my thinking, uprooted insecurities, and gave me confidence and courage. I live because He lived and died for me. The more I trusted in God, the more I relied on His design for my life. I trusted my husband more. I sought godly counsel. I hungrily read God's Word. God worked miracles in my heart and mind through the heartache of a failed friendship. I knew God was changing me from the inside out, but I did not realize how much until a random reader tagged me in a "You're an idiot sandwich" gif on Facebook. And I laughed. Truly laughed. I.didn't.care.

I didn't care!

I was free from the burden of caring what others thought of me.

So while the loss of this friendship has been a difficult and sad journey for me, I am thankful for what I learned. I am a chosen one of Jesus Christ - bought and paid for by His very blood. Everything else falls under that fact! I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a disciple maker. I am a teacher. I am a servant. This world is not my home. What I learn here in this world is preparing me for an eternity at home in the arms of my Savior. And that is what I care about... that is what I value above all things!

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