Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Tuesday's Top Ten [Things I Never Thought I'd Have to Say to My Children]

I'm sure all mom's could add to today's top ten!

1. "Do not wipe your boogers on the curtains!" (or the wall, or the furniture, or the dinner table) Seriously. I never thought that would be something I'd have to teach.

2. "Stop using your hair as a napkin!" Does anyone else say this as your children wipe their grubby, greasy, spaghetti-sauce-stained hands in their hair? Gross.

3. "Ew! Do not lay on the bathroom floor!" (of a public restroom)

4. "Do not suck the toothpaste out of the container!" Strangely enough, poison control was not at all concerned about this.

5. "Did you just lick me?!" or "Did you just bite my toe?!"

6. "No, I did not put slobbery juice in your cup." My child was hysterically crying one morning because that's what she thought I did.

7. "Let's not try on other people's shoes." Once while we visited a busy splash pad a bunch of children lined up their shoes on the grass. Instead of playing in the water, my baby Briella Bean decided to go and try them all on... and later on in life she was telling a stranger all about her life and the people in it. Poor biker dude was bored out of his mind, but I hysterically giggled about her description of her best friend, "Addi is my best friend. She likes to try on my shoes and I let her." As she shrugs, "it is weird." Well, kid, I remember very clearly telling you not to do that once... or twice...

8. "Ahhhh! Don't throw ____ away!" _____ could equal anything from shoes, underwear, clothing, or anything laying about they deem worthy of the dumpster... I realized this too late once with a pair of shoes Brielle wore only once.

9. "Honey, not every playroom will have princess dresses." This is a statement on repeat these days. Whenever we visit someone the first question out of Brielle's mouth is, "Can I wear their princess dresses?" So I ask her, "What if they don't have princess dresses?" And she looks at me like I'm a crazy person.

10. "How did you get up there?" This one is common with our Ele girl. Sometimes it's said in a freaked-out-hyperventilating voice...

And one does not just make this stuff up.