My Uphill Battle with Facebook

Two things occurred this last week that forced me to realize that I have a pride issue.

1. I accidentally set my status updates at an "only me" setting, which means nobody saw what I posted on Facebook and it also means that I was crushed when nobody "liked" it. (sigh)
2. I read this quote in my "Glimpses of Grace" by Gloria Furman book, "When I sense that my heart has become numb to the effects of my sinfulness, all I need to do is listen to my mouth or think of the things that I should have said but didn't. If I go back over the last few days' blog posts, conversations, and status updates, then my mixed motives and self-glorification become appallingly apparent to me. It is clear to me that I have no other place to hide except in the righteousness of Christ alone." (p.115)
• Plus Furman quoted James 3:8-10, "... no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing." Bleh. Starting with my own tongue, which I can't seem to shut up.

God has this miraculous way of convicting my spirit.

Thanks to technology and the ability to publish writing immediately after writing it, my life has become an open book. I'm not complaining, I mean it's my own fault, it's just embarrassing to admit out loud that I have a "pride" issue. Thanks to an itty bitty error on my part, where I accidentally set all my posts as private posts, and was crushed when not one person "liked" it, I realized that it was God's way of telling me I was worrying too much about what others thought of my writing instead of glorifying Him in it. And then to add injury to insult I read that quote in Furman's book. Grrrr.... me and my stupid self.

I want to live my life to glorify God.

But lately it seems that all I can do is make a fool of myself.

I apologized to you, readers, because I don't want to care about my "stats" or "likes," (buuuuut I do). I want to care about what God thinks because my aim is (or should be) to glorify HIM daily in all that I say and do. After all, my entire purpose in this life and the next is to praise HIM forever and ever. However, after that setting error on Facebook I realized that inside I had mixed motives and that each post was self-glorifying. When I read Furman's struggle with the exact same thing I did a, "whew, I'm not alone!" gasp. Still, even when I write or say things outloud that are an attempt to glorify God, HE KNOWS MY HEART! So I'm with Furman on this one, "Clearly I need God's purifying power to rescue me from my sin and empower me to say things that are good, true, and honoring him." (p.115) And I need to add "from the depths of my heart" to that statement.

I need to set my heart on the things of God and make this blog and my Facebook status updates less about my self-glorification (that starts with not caring about "likes" or "stats") and more about the joy I have in life because of the hope I have in Jesus. Obviously, a few days break from Facebook has not solved this issue.

It's an uphill battle.

I'm back on Facebook because I realized that it was my only "in" on seeing pictures of a friends baby, or sharing the crazy and wonderful life of my daughter with grandparents and friends, and sharing what I write here (all the while trying really, really hard not to care about "likes" or "stats"). Although I'm back on Facebook and although I'm still going to share my stuff, my ultimate goal is still to glorify God (without mixed motives like, "hmmmm... I wonder how many people will like or read this?!").

I love Facebook because it gives me the ability read about my friends and family all over the world. My parents and grandparents love my blog because they love reading about what we do everyday, or what I'm reading, and I hope, no, I really, really pray that I'm planting a seed for all of my family and friends. I want to glorify God and share the gospel so that you can glorify God with me through this blog and Facebook. I truly believe in enjoying small things like Facebook and blogging ALL because I can rest in the hope I have in Jesus Christ and what He did on the cross. That's it! THAT is what life is all about in the first place - Jesus Christ and the message of hope we have in Him. Without hope, we have nothing.

And that message is worth sharing - daily!

Sorry Facebook Friends!

My sister read me this article about the difference of "what determines popularity" between our generation and the current high school students. When we were in JH and HS Facebook did not exist, no one had a cell phone (and if you did it was the "family" cell phone for emergency purposes only), so your popularity was determined by what table you sat at during lunch (for example). Now, popularity is determined by how many likes you get on a status update or a picture.

The irony is that Mel and I suddenly realized that we also care too much about our "likes!" She's into photography, for example. She's figured out settings, took a class, and the photo's she creates and edits take her a lot of time and effort. So the moment she posts a picture, she's checking how many people like it. My thing is writing. I'm constantly checking my blog "stats" or Facebook "likes" to see what people think of it. When we admitted these things out loud, we laughed at how ridiculous it sounded, but we totally understood why kids are becoming upset over their status "popularity."

For some reason my last few status updates have been at the setting "only me" which means only I can see it on my timeline. First of all, I don't know why that option even exists; it's a social network for petes sake! Secondly, I found myself super bummed that not one person, not even one, "liked" it. I was having this inner turmoil - did I offend people? Am I pushing friends away by what I say or post? I found myself feeling guilty for sharing stuff I found that supported my political beliefs or religious views. I was honestly asking myself if people were sick of my blog, or sick of me.

And then I heard this inner voice, "I need a break from Facebook."

And then the devil's advocate voice shot back, "yeah, but you like Facebook to keep up with your friends and family who literally live all over the world!"

And then the other inner voice laughed, "HA!"

Facebook was becoming my "popularity" contest. Instead of using my blog and Facebook to "keep up" with friends and family on our daily life and glorifying God through it, I was becoming prideful. The setting "only me" was the wake up call I needed. It was God's way of telling me to take a chill pill, focus on HIM and HIS WORD, and truly (from my inner most being) glorify Him.

The thing is... I struggle with that daily... because I am a selfish sinner. So I deleted Facebook from my phone. I will continue to write in my blog and to visit the blogs I love, but I will not post my blog on Facebook or check my stats. I don't know how long this will be, I'll start with today and go from there, but if you want to read what I post, subscribe to my blog.

I have to apologize to you, my Facebook friends, because I do not want to come across as a person who "has it all together". I am weak. I am a sinner. I am selfish. BUT I am growing and learning and I desire the satisfaction of my Lord and Savior only. I have to stop caring about what the world thinks, and quite frankly, that starts with Facebook.

I don't want to stay away from Facebook forever, because that's where my family and friends are, but that should be my only reason for being on it. With that said, I'm sorry Facebook friends for being obsessed with what you think of my status updates, political rantings, and Instagram posts. I need to focus instead on what God thinks. And that means a break from Facebook. I'm realizing that it's going to be hard because when I feed Brielle Facebook is the first place I go, so pray for me as I take on this challenge, that I learn the lesson that I truly believe God is trying to teach me: that He is truly #1 in my heart and that I care only what He thinks of me.