4 Books Every Expectant Mommy Needs on Her Shelf

I'm trying to get back on track with my Mommy Monday's and this is a great place to start. I love books and I love sharing what I've read. Plus these helped me tremendously and each in different ways.

1. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - I highly recommend this book for many reasons, but the most important reason: you'll have a deeper understanding of your body and what it's meant to do on the day your baby enters this world. You'll be able to make informed decisions on your labor and delivery - before, during, and after.

2. The Complete Book of Breastfeeding - I am so so so so so so thankful a friend gave me this book as well. It's absolutely amazing all the things I didn't know about feeding my baby! My lactation consultant with Bean was absolutely amazed at all I knew and I was able to confidently breastfeed Brielle for 12 months. The lactation consultant I had with Ele suggested I start a breastfeeding support group in my town. I credit it to this book and all that I learned by reading it.

3. Your Pregnancy Week by Week - This is a fun book that details all the progress your baby makes as he/she grows inside you. Plus the authors detail what your body may be experiencing as well. I liked this book just as much as What To Expect When You're Expecting, if not more.

4. On Becoming Baby Wise - If you're like me you'll go home from the hospital asking, "Uh... what now?" This book answers those questions! It helps you get your baby into a schedule. If Brielle was crying I knew why. Oh, it's such and such time - you're hungry. I was never left guessing her needs because those needs were being met at specific times allowing me to understand why my baby was crying so I could best help her. I am one of those people who desperately needs that kind of structure.

"Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin [Book Review]

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

There's so much about this book that I love and I debated a long time between a 4 and 5 star rating. Ina May offers information galore that every expectant mother should read (whether or not it's your first or tenth child). However, there were some interesting birth stories in the beginning that you must prepare yourself to read. They caught me off guard. (Remember this is coming from a conservative Christian perspective.) I gave it 5 stars because she offers wisdom not just from personal experience (where she's attended nearly 3,000 deliveries from beginning to end) but also because of her research, her passion for the midwifery profession and all mothers-to-be, her findings upheld by medical professionals around the world, but also because she possesses a wealth of knowledge that every woman needs to know. Not to mention that her success rate in delivering babies med-free and intervention free are outstanding.

You cannot ignore these facts as you read her book.

Due to Ina May's knowledge of the woman's body, her personal experiences, her education, and her renowned reputation throughout the world I was inclined to listen to what she had to say. She backed up her personal experiences with references galore, which also boosted my confidence in the knowledge Ina May shared. Her chapters on the mind and body connection, what happens in labor, the sphincter law, giving birth: move freely, let gravity work for you (where she details specific techniques for pain relief), and her knowledge of VBAC's helped relieve me of anxiety and fears as a result of my first labor and delivery experience. Due to the fact that she shared her knowledge I feel ready, able, and EXCITED to experience the delivery of our second child.

"Women can hardly make truly informed decisions when some of the most relevant information is not available to them." (p. 288) I feel educated, which is something I desperately wanted the first time around and thought I was receiving. Hindsight, my ignorance played a huge part in my daughter coming into this world in a room that was full of stress and high intensity. Thankfully, I finished this book with an incredible sense of relief because of the knowledge Ina May shared. I am not a "lemon" as I truly believed after my first experience. I now know HOW God equipped my body to give birth and I simply need to trust in how He designed women to bring forth life. That is an amazing comfort brought forth by Ina May's desire to inform women. Thank you Ina May!

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I look forward to sharing a few of my favorite quotes! Stay tuned...

The 4 Pages in "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" That Left Me Frustrated

A dear friend gave me three books to read that helped her as she prepared for the birth of their second daughter over two years ago. Now that I'm the same boat I was anxious to feel better equipped for this birth than I was with Beans, so I was thankful to receive them. I dived in to "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" right away. 

Her credentials are pretty impressive (check out her website for more information on this renowned midwife). She has many published books, has attended more than 1200 births from beginning to end, she lectures to other midwives and has even been invited to speak at medical schools, and most impressive yet is that a method devised to deal with a feared childbirth complication was named after her and is now taught to medical professionals around the world. (source) There are so many reasons to trust what she has to say about childbirth.  

And it took only four pages in her book to frustrate me and leave me feeling elated all at once. I am not "broken" despite what the doctors made me believe.

The chapter titled, "The Wrong Environment Can Stall or Reverse Labor" (more precisely pages 138-141) gave reason to my feelings precisely. It's hard to condense Ina May's words and I'd honestly like to give you what she stated in its entirety, but I'll try to sum it up instead... 

Before I do, I'll give you my favorite quote from the section which will help you understand my summation:

“The problem is that doctors today often assume that something mysterious and unidentified has gone wrong with labor or that the woman's body is somehow "inadequate" - what I call the "woman's body as a lemon" assumption. For a variety of reasons, a lot of women have also come to believe that nature made a serious mistake with their bodies. This belief has become so strong in many that they give in to pharmaceutical or surgical treatments when patience and recognition of the normality and harmlessness of the situation would make for better health for them and their babies and less surgery and technological intervention in birth. Most women need encouragement and companionship more than they need drugs. 

Remember this, for it is as true as true gets: Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic. Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth as well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo.” (p. 141-142)

She began this section with one simple fact: that birth requires a "maximum degree of relaxation". Ina May and her midwife partners witnessed on many different occasions (and gave specific stories of such instances) where as soon as relaxation was lost, labor stopped or reversed. She dived into medical textbooks and interviewed other medical professionals to determine what was said about this phenomena and what she found shocked me. Doctors from the 1800's -1900's wrote about it in their medical textbooks, but recent textbooks deny its existence. Most doctor's today do not believe that the cervix was truly open to the stated centimeters, in other words, they do not trust in the midwife's ability to check openings appropriately and choose to believe that something "mysterious and unidentified has gone wrong with labor" or that the woman's body is now somehow "inadequate" instead. Ina May quoted six different doctors from the 19th century who witnessed this phenomena first hand and wrote about it in medical textbooks with advice on what to do and why. 

Here's the underlying piece to this puzzle and why it fit my feelings precisely: most doctors during this time period knew that an unwelcome or upsetting presence could stall labor. AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. There's a few things you need to understand about my doctor and anesthesiologist with Brielle's birth: my doctor wanted me to have an epidural in the worst way and was not on par with my wanting a no-med/intervention free birth and she made that quite clear with her mini temper tantrums as she stomped out of the room stating (not facing me), "You're not any less of a mother if you have an epidural." I know that. I believe that. But it was not my choice, for many reasons. Secondly, I had a few playlists that helped me focus on something other than contractions and the moment my anesthesiologist entered the room (after giving in to my doctor's wishes) he growled, "Turn that crap off." It was not at all the environment I had envisioned or the encouragement I had hoped to receive from the medical community. (They were pieces I left out of Brielle's Birth Story because despite the callousness of the doctors that attended her birth, it was an unforgettable experience that changed my life forever. It was in her story and the happenings afterwards that forced me to have an eternal perspective on life and understand God's sovereignty, so I am truly thankful for it.) What leaves me irked is the lack of humility from the doctors I've encountered.  

Reading her findings made me irritated, writing that paragraph has made me angry. Doctors, do you understand the power you have to heal, discourage, encourage, manipulate and truly hinder or help your patients?

It's truly unfortunate that American women share more horrific stories of childbirth than beautiful positive ones. I desperately want a positive med-free, intervention-free experience and I really, really want encouragement and support for that decision. Sadly we spend more time comparing and judging one another than offering what Ina May has found to be most successful: encouragement and companionship.

Which is why I love sharing birth stories occasionally here, there's no better way to encourage one another. If you are interested in sharing yours, leave a comment and I'd love to get in contact with you!

"The Atonement Child" by Francine Rivers [Book Review]

The Atonement Child by Francine Rivers
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

My favorite part of this book began in the later chapters when the main character finally decides whether or not to abort her child, conceived by rape. The intensity of such a decision was well written. Francine Rivers also does an excellent job of calling out individuals claiming to be "Christian" and challenging all Christians in their belief of life, death, and choices. Because I believe GOD creates life from conception, I felt that abortion, no matter the circumstances, would leave a woman with long lasting effects, but I didn't know how to put it into words. Francine does that. The reason why astounded me. On her website, http://francinerivers.com/about/faqs, she was asked to explain how she got the idea for each of her books and she described this book with her own personal testimony, "Is there complete forgiveness and restoration for a woman who has aborted her child? Does abortion have any effect on the woman and the man involved in the crisis pregnancy? Does it impact people around them? (This was my most painful and personal book because I needed to face and deal with my own abortion experience. The character of Hannah is based on my story; Evie is based on my mother’s.)" And yes, she answers each of those questions. When asked which book was the hardest to write, she explained it was this one. Her reason is obvious, "The Atonement Child was the most personal and difficult to write because I had to face my own abortion experience. Added to the considerable research I did, and women who shared their experiences with me, I went through an intensive post-traumatic stress Bible study for post-abortive women at our local pregnancy counseling center. Reliving all aspects of my abortion decision and experience was excruciating – but healing. After twenty-six years of being imprisoned by guilt and shame, I was free through the power and love of God. Though the book was the most heart-wrenching to write, it also proved to be the most life changing. I’ve received countless letters from other post-abortive women and have learned my experience is not unique. Our nation is filled with wounded men and women. The character of Hannah is based on my story, Doug is based on Rick’s, and Evie is based on my mother’s." I feel Francine's testimony is reason enough to read this book and take her seriously.  To share her own personal testimony of how abortion affected her own life took some guts. She opened all kinds of doors for criticism and judgement. Testimonies have the ability to change lives and that was obviously her goal. It was also quite obvious, by reading this book, that her experience was excruciatingly difficult. It was an all around, incredibly infuriating, devastatingly sad, read.

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P.S. As a result of this book, I decided to write a blog post all about my favorite quotes from each of the books where I've written a review. There's a lot of quality quotes that I can't wait to share! Stay tuned.