Tuesday's Top Ten [Favorite Childhood Books]

Some of my favorite childhood games revolved around the book and movie I read and watched as a child. There are many examples beginning with the fact that I used to dress up as Mother Goose (even making my own glasses to sit at the tip of my nose) so I could fly around reading stories to children.

The photo evidence.

My siblings and I grew up playing like our Barbies were Borrowers, or that we had a Secret Garden, and we thoroughly enjoyed dressing as the ladies in Little Women or Little House on the Prairie (that game we titled, "Old Timey"). If I wanted to play alone I pretended like I was the little orphan Mandy who found an abandoned cottage to make my own.

Books have a significant influence in the life and imagination of children. If my life isn't example enough look to my own children! Briella Bean, for example, chose to dress up as Stellaluna for Halloween because of her all-time favorite story. One librarian happened across a stuffed Stellaluna bat at some library convention and she couldn't pass it up. If any of her toys could be "real" like the Velveteen Rabbit, it would be her beloved Stellaluna - who is missing half an ear and has some stuffing falling out (which reminds me I need to do some repairs).

I swear that the only reason my Ele-monster was even remotely interested in potty training was because her favorite book was "Bye-Bye Diapers" with Miss Piggy as the main character. Each due-date stamp has been because we checked it out - over and over and over again. When the library hosted a "dress as your favorite book character day" my children did not hesitate in deciding what their costume would be...

I am so excited that my children's memorable moments in life revolve around books - or at least that's what I hope. I may not be able to afford a trip to Alaska for an adventure of a lifetime, but I can provide opportunities to create memories and go on adventures centered around books and the places those stories take us. Growing up, my fondest memories are because of books. My family couldn't afford to take vacations either, but we did go on adventures. I went to many, many places and participated in crazy, fun adventures - all because of these books - which I cannot wait to read with my girls...

1. Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingall's Wilder is an all time favorite. We read all the books and watched every Little House on the Prairie episode - I could easily do this again! I have the books my mother read to us, can you tell they are well loved?

2. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott is another favorite - not just because the book is wonderful but the movie is also worth watching over and over again (which we did quite often growing up). Did anyone else cry over Beth?

3. Polyanna by Eleanor H. Porter whose influence changes the way an entire town views life!

4. The Borrower's by Mary Norton was one my siblings and I used time and time again as the plot to our playtime. The Barbies became borrowers and when things disappeared it was always blamed on those little people!

5. Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery was easy to fall in love with - Ann(with an e) was smart, witty, dream-filled, daring, dramatic, wonderful - a bosom friend character. (Also, who wouldn't love Gilbert Blithe?!) By the way, I was always amazed (and still am) at how well the movies follow the book! Definitely a favorite.

6. Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls - I still remember my mother sobbing at the end of the story - book and movie!

7. Mandy by Julie Edwards is well worn (which = well loved). This story is all about a little orphan girl who climbs over the wall and finds an abandoned cottage that she makes her own. There were many times I pretended I found my own little cottage to call home.

8. The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett inspired many secret garden quests. I loved the movie more than the book - it was eerie and wonderful. As an adult, however, I was quite disappointed rereading this story, but the idea behind a secret garden is one I do not want to keep from my children.

9. The Indian in the Cupboard by Lynne Reid Banks - how often I wished that I could make a toy real with my own magical cupboard!

10. Heidi by Johanna Spyri was another I fell in love with as a child. Little Heidi and her adventures around the mountains, her energy and love for others, captured my imagination in so many ways.

I had so much fun pulling these books off the shelf. They conjured up so many childhood memories!

I have many more that I can't wait to read with them, like C.S. Lewis' The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe or any of Gary Paulsen (which my husband has many memories attached to his stories of adventure and survival) or Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine or Shiloh by Phylis Reynolds Naylor or or or or or... (this list could be endless, which means I should stop typing and start reading with my girls...) I encourage you to do the same. As a reading teacher for 7th and 8th graders who had over half of my students entering the 7th grade at or below the 4th grade reading level, I cannot even begin to tell you the difference it makes when children have one-on-one time each day reading with an adult. When I surveyed these struggling readers, over 90% of them had no memory of their parents reading to them. It is so easy to pick up a book and read it - you'll never know the difference it makes in their life until much later in life - so take the time, because it is well worth the time.

The Most Amazing Thing I've Ever Heard a Parent Say (From a Teacher's Perspective)

"I know that if I want my child to learn something, it's my responsibility to teach it to them."

I wanted to scream from the roof tops, "THANK YOU!"

But I resisted the urge and instead quietly told her how much I appreciated hearing that. I've been in too many situations and heard too many parents say that it is the school's job to teach __________. Nope. That is yours. Want your kids to know how to do their taxes? Handle finances appropriately? Act responsibly? Know right from wrong?

Teach them.

Teachers in the public school system typically have 20+ kids in their classroom. Over half of them are not where they should be, and the government has a whole host of requirements that come with the job of teaching abc's and 123's. If you want to know what I mean just Google your state's teaching standards by the grade per subject. That is what we are required to teach, along with the curriculum provided from the school, along with Title 1 and special education requirements, along with meeting the needs of high ability learners and multicultural requirements, all while not letting any of them fall behind academically, so each and every one of them can pass a standardized test that we all agree is stupid.

Time is not a luxury.

So with the time that you have, learn from this momma. Teach them to grow into responsible citizen's of society, so that when the day comes that they are to go out in it, you have raised a hard working, kind, contributing individual who is able to think for themselves. And pay their taxes. 

When you give a baby a book...

When you give a baby a book...

... you just might hear words transform from a simple muffin to something silly like, "moose-a-muffin". Story: Bean loves the book If You Give a Moose a Muffin by Laura Numeroff so muffins are no longer called a basic, boring muffin in our house.

... you just might see a handful of favorites pulled from the shelf multiple times throughout the day. It might be "read aloud" alone or you might hear the question, "Mommy, read it?" 

... you might just capture adorable moments such as this...

Reading with daddy.

Reading with a friend.

Reading on a blow-up-pool device.

Reading in a ball play pit with friends.

Reading wherever and leaving a trail.

Wearing whatever while reading.

Making memories.

Reading with a friend at their birthday party.

Reading at the library.

Reading at a friends house.

Reading in a coffee shop.

... you might just find that with little or no effort your child begins to recognize shapes, colors, letters and words...

... you might also find that children's books are FUN reads and enjoy that time with your child so much that it's one of the best parts of your day...

... you have the perfect Christmas and birthday presents year after year after year...

... you might just become BFF's with the librarian who discards a book that's falling apart to give to Bean because she knows she loves it...

... you might just share a few favorites with your little reader like The Monkey Goes Bananas by C.P. Bloom or Wiggle by Doreen Cronin (Author) and Scott Menchin (Illustrator)...

Books have always been a major part of my life and it was my intention from the beginning of motherhood to make it a big part of my daughters' life as well. Perhaps that's why I chose to be a reading teacher early on in life? (wink, wink) If you're interested in seeing all that we do on a daily basis, read the post, How I Got My 18 Month Old Interested in Books and be sure to check out my Reading and Writing page as well. Also check out my teaching blog, RafiKey's to Success that's full of more tips for secondary English/language arts teachers.

I have no doubt that by simply reading, reading, reading and reading I'll see the same success with all my children, not just my Briella Bean. I think that by giving your baby a book, you might just see and hear and enjoy all books have to offer as well...

Tuesday's Top Ten [10 Wonderful Children's Books for Counting to 10]

One of the best ways to help a toddler learn to count is with books! These are a few of our favorites!

1-3. Over in the Garden or Over in the Meadow or Way Up in the Arctic (or any one of these particular books written to the same tune, rhyme and give wonderful information about the world we live in!)

 

 

4. How Many Kisses do you want Little One? by Varsha Bajaj and illustrated by Ivan Bates is a wonderfully cute counting book all about night-night kisses.

5. My Remarkably Sparkably Purse by Hayley Down is one of my daughters favorites because it's a little girl filling her purse with all the things Brielle loves (like tiara's and shoes and necklaces).

6. Turtle Splash: Countdown at the Pond by Katherine Falwell is one I like because (like it states) it counts down from 10, changing it up a bit.

7. Ten Apples Up On Top 'cause you can't go wrong with Dr. Seuss!

8. Five Little Ducks - a classic illustrated by Penny Ives - is one that I recommend. I realize it only goes to 5, but it's still worth reading!

9. How Do Dinosaurs Count to Ten? is another great one. I love any of Jane Yolen's "How Do Dinosaurs...?" books. They are pretty fantastic.

10. The M&M's Counting Book because who doesn't love counting with chocolate candy?!

If you're interested in finding others, here's a longer list with a few books I can't wait to check out myself!

A bonus:
 I've Got an Elephant by Anne Ginkel, illustrated by Janie Bynum, is a cute counting book where the character adds an elephant every time she does something - all because they get lonely. What does she do when she hits 10? Perfect book for counting, predicting, and laughing.

4 Books Every Expectant Mommy Needs on Her Shelf

I'm trying to get back on track with my Mommy Monday's and this is a great place to start. I love books and I love sharing what I've read. Plus these helped me tremendously and each in different ways.

1. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - I highly recommend this book for many reasons, but the most important reason: you'll have a deeper understanding of your body and what it's meant to do on the day your baby enters this world. You'll be able to make informed decisions on your labor and delivery - before, during, and after.

2. The Complete Book of Breastfeeding - I am so so so so so so thankful a friend gave me this book as well. It's absolutely amazing all the things I didn't know about feeding my baby! My lactation consultant with Bean was absolutely amazed at all I knew and I was able to confidently breastfeed Brielle for 12 months. The lactation consultant I had with Ele suggested I start a breastfeeding support group in my town. I credit it to this book and all that I learned by reading it.

3. Your Pregnancy Week by Week - This is a fun book that details all the progress your baby makes as he/she grows inside you. Plus the authors detail what your body may be experiencing as well. I liked this book just as much as What To Expect When You're Expecting, if not more.

4. On Becoming Baby Wise - If you're like me you'll go home from the hospital asking, "Uh... what now?" This book answers those questions! It helps you get your baby into a schedule. If Brielle was crying I knew why. Oh, it's such and such time - you're hungry. I was never left guessing her needs because those needs were being met at specific times allowing me to understand why my baby was crying so I could best help her. I am one of those people who desperately needs that kind of structure.

"Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin [Book Review]

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

There's so much about this book that I love and I debated a long time between a 4 and 5 star rating. Ina May offers information galore that every expectant mother should read (whether or not it's your first or tenth child). However, there were some interesting birth stories in the beginning that you must prepare yourself to read. They caught me off guard. (Remember this is coming from a conservative Christian perspective.) I gave it 5 stars because she offers wisdom not just from personal experience (where she's attended nearly 3,000 deliveries from beginning to end) but also because of her research, her passion for the midwifery profession and all mothers-to-be, her findings upheld by medical professionals around the world, but also because she possesses a wealth of knowledge that every woman needs to know. Not to mention that her success rate in delivering babies med-free and intervention free are outstanding.

You cannot ignore these facts as you read her book.

Due to Ina May's knowledge of the woman's body, her personal experiences, her education, and her renowned reputation throughout the world I was inclined to listen to what she had to say. She backed up her personal experiences with references galore, which also boosted my confidence in the knowledge Ina May shared. Her chapters on the mind and body connection, what happens in labor, the sphincter law, giving birth: move freely, let gravity work for you (where she details specific techniques for pain relief), and her knowledge of VBAC's helped relieve me of anxiety and fears as a result of my first labor and delivery experience. Due to the fact that she shared her knowledge I feel ready, able, and EXCITED to experience the delivery of our second child.

"Women can hardly make truly informed decisions when some of the most relevant information is not available to them." (p. 288) I feel educated, which is something I desperately wanted the first time around and thought I was receiving. Hindsight, my ignorance played a huge part in my daughter coming into this world in a room that was full of stress and high intensity. Thankfully, I finished this book with an incredible sense of relief because of the knowledge Ina May shared. I am not a "lemon" as I truly believed after my first experience. I now know HOW God equipped my body to give birth and I simply need to trust in how He designed women to bring forth life. That is an amazing comfort brought forth by Ina May's desire to inform women. Thank you Ina May!

View all my reviews

I look forward to sharing a few of my favorite quotes! Stay tuned...

The 4 Pages in "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" That Left Me Frustrated

A dear friend gave me three books to read that helped her as she prepared for the birth of their second daughter over two years ago. Now that I'm the same boat I was anxious to feel better equipped for this birth than I was with Beans, so I was thankful to receive them. I dived in to "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" right away. 

Her credentials are pretty impressive (check out her website for more information on this renowned midwife). She has many published books, has attended more than 1200 births from beginning to end, she lectures to other midwives and has even been invited to speak at medical schools, and most impressive yet is that a method devised to deal with a feared childbirth complication was named after her and is now taught to medical professionals around the world. (source) There are so many reasons to trust what she has to say about childbirth.  

And it took only four pages in her book to frustrate me and leave me feeling elated all at once. I am not "broken" despite what the doctors made me believe.

The chapter titled, "The Wrong Environment Can Stall or Reverse Labor" (more precisely pages 138-141) gave reason to my feelings precisely. It's hard to condense Ina May's words and I'd honestly like to give you what she stated in its entirety, but I'll try to sum it up instead... 

Before I do, I'll give you my favorite quote from the section which will help you understand my summation:

“The problem is that doctors today often assume that something mysterious and unidentified has gone wrong with labor or that the woman's body is somehow "inadequate" - what I call the "woman's body as a lemon" assumption. For a variety of reasons, a lot of women have also come to believe that nature made a serious mistake with their bodies. This belief has become so strong in many that they give in to pharmaceutical or surgical treatments when patience and recognition of the normality and harmlessness of the situation would make for better health for them and their babies and less surgery and technological intervention in birth. Most women need encouragement and companionship more than they need drugs. 

Remember this, for it is as true as true gets: Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic. Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth as well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo.” (p. 141-142)

She began this section with one simple fact: that birth requires a "maximum degree of relaxation". Ina May and her midwife partners witnessed on many different occasions (and gave specific stories of such instances) where as soon as relaxation was lost, labor stopped or reversed. She dived into medical textbooks and interviewed other medical professionals to determine what was said about this phenomena and what she found shocked me. Doctors from the 1800's -1900's wrote about it in their medical textbooks, but recent textbooks deny its existence. Most doctor's today do not believe that the cervix was truly open to the stated centimeters, in other words, they do not trust in the midwife's ability to check openings appropriately and choose to believe that something "mysterious and unidentified has gone wrong with labor" or that the woman's body is now somehow "inadequate" instead. Ina May quoted six different doctors from the 19th century who witnessed this phenomena first hand and wrote about it in medical textbooks with advice on what to do and why. 

Here's the underlying piece to this puzzle and why it fit my feelings precisely: most doctors during this time period knew that an unwelcome or upsetting presence could stall labor. AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. There's a few things you need to understand about my doctor and anesthesiologist with Brielle's birth: my doctor wanted me to have an epidural in the worst way and was not on par with my wanting a no-med/intervention free birth and she made that quite clear with her mini temper tantrums as she stomped out of the room stating (not facing me), "You're not any less of a mother if you have an epidural." I know that. I believe that. But it was not my choice, for many reasons. Secondly, I had a few playlists that helped me focus on something other than contractions and the moment my anesthesiologist entered the room (after giving in to my doctor's wishes) he growled, "Turn that crap off." It was not at all the environment I had envisioned or the encouragement I had hoped to receive from the medical community. (They were pieces I left out of Brielle's Birth Story because despite the callousness of the doctors that attended her birth, it was an unforgettable experience that changed my life forever. It was in her story and the happenings afterwards that forced me to have an eternal perspective on life and understand God's sovereignty, so I am truly thankful for it.) What leaves me irked is the lack of humility from the doctors I've encountered.  

Reading her findings made me irritated, writing that paragraph has made me angry. Doctors, do you understand the power you have to heal, discourage, encourage, manipulate and truly hinder or help your patients?

It's truly unfortunate that American women share more horrific stories of childbirth than beautiful positive ones. I desperately want a positive med-free, intervention-free experience and I really, really want encouragement and support for that decision. Sadly we spend more time comparing and judging one another than offering what Ina May has found to be most successful: encouragement and companionship.

Which is why I love sharing birth stories occasionally here, there's no better way to encourage one another. If you are interested in sharing yours, leave a comment and I'd love to get in contact with you!

"Fearlessly Feminine" by Jani Ortlund [Book Review]

Fearlessly Feminine by Jani Ortlund
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

"God made you a woman. He delights in your womanhood. Bask in the certainty that your femininity is beautiful to God. That which makes you different from the men in this world is a God-given gift, precious in His sight. Women have already proven that they can go wherever men go: space, politics, war, the boardroom. Use your femininity to go where men cannot go. Where is it that God is calling you to be fearlessly feminine?" (p.203) This question is one that Jani forces you to answer throughout her book.

She is forthright and the truths she writes are absolutely convicting. She tackles the issues we face in today's society and challenges women to take hold of the gift God has given us as women. Jani argues that femininity is "tested" in our day-to-day living and as a result we must make "a daily choice to trust God completely.

She encourages women to not "let the evil of our popular culture dirty our souls with its filth" or "to fritter our time away on materialistic pursuits and silly entertainments" or "to give our husbands and children and homes a back row seat while we strive to maintain a center stage image" and finally to never, ever forget that "heaven is real and our choices now have eternal consequences." All of those pieces are covered in her book (and more)! I am beyond thankful I read it and truly believe this book played a huge role in my growth as a follower of Christ, a woman, a wife, a mother, and a teacher.

View all my reviews

The Privilege & Price of Motherhood

I'm reading this amazing book with two other women at church. The first chapter - oh my - good. BUT the chapter that made the entire book for me was the chapter on motherhood. I can't speak for the women I'm reading it with, but I believe they'd agree with me in recommending it for ALL women (married, single, children or without):

The part I liked the most so far (not because it was necessarily enjoyable) but it was the most convicting: The Privilege of Motherhood and The Price of Motherhood. I'd like to quote the entire section (it's seriously that good), obviously I recommend getting the book, but before I give more highlights from these two sections read this amazing quote:

Jani is dead on in her description of biblical motherhood and in my short few months at this job I fall short on a daily basis. She talks about self denial constantly and it's one piece of my life that must change. Also, she went to the heart of the matter when talking about giving up dreams. I struggle with that daily. I want to be home with my baby and I want to be in the classroom. (Ahhhhh so conflicting!) I find her writing so encouraging because it reinforces what I know deep down: that this is where God is calling me. That is why I like these two sections so much, because it brings to light aspects in which need work in my life and offers encouragement in order to be the mommy she describes: "In us [our children] experience what the world should be like." I love that.

Portions of the book I couldn't help but share...

The Privilege of Motherhood (p.112-113)

God is calling us women to embrace the privilege of maternal care. We will not hear this from the culture of convenience surrounding us. A woman is much more likely to be praised for her work in the marketplace than for her commitment to mothering. And if mothering is not honored, women will stop doing it. Today if a baby seems to be too great a burden, either financially or physically or emotionally, a woman may kill it in what should be the safest place this side of heaven, a mother's womb. Or, once it is born, she may throw it in the trash bin so she can get on with the important things in life - like attending the prom or satisfying her pubescent boyfriend.

Where are the women who will fearlessly surrender to the privilege of motherhood? Who will say, "My child's welfare is more important than my own convenience; I will give my child a sense of God; I will protect my child from evil and death; I will set the highest possible standards of honor and morality for my child to follow as I teach him the Bible, and one day I will send him out with a light in his soul to bless this darkened world?" What greater privilege could we have?

Your role in a child's life - whether it is your child or others around you - is invaluable. You can be the one to teach him to form intimate, emotional bonds with others. Your sensitivity, availability, devotion, affection, unhurried attention, and responsiveness are irreplaceable. You have the joy of creating an environment for discovery and growth and imagination. You have the privilege of training your child to resist the me-centered consumerism that engulfs our world today.

The Price of Motherhood (quotes taken from pages 113-126)

Second, will you pay the price of mothering? In Where Have All the Mothers Gone? Brenda Hunter cites numerous studies showing that every child needs someone to make an "irrational" commitment to him; someone who will be there when she is needed; someone who will not pack up and go home at 6:00 p.m. Additionally, this someone must love the child more than other people's children. Who can do this better than a child's own mother? Yet we hear the chorus swelling around us, "The care of children and home are inferior occupations. The marketplace is more rewarding. Find your worth there."

And so we face a decision. Don't let me heap guilt on your head if you must work outside your home will your children are young. I have been there, and I know how hard it is. I am writing about a decision that a working mom makes who has a choice to cut back and stay home with her children. Are we willing to give up the pluses of the working world for diapers, doctor appointments, feeding schedules, and hurried showers? We enjoy the affirmations of working outside the home - a paycheck, pats on the back, exciting challenges, and new relationships - and yet we know that our home life suffers all the while. We begin to realize that all the tangible successes in the marketplace can never mask the potent pull of mother love. But are we women enough to yield to this powerful force?

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My friend Suzanne proves how much our children deserve our best. Suzanne is a creative, energetic, compassionate young woman who developed a sterling reputation as a student teacher and teacher's aide in a Chicago district where positions are highly coveted. She became a personal friend when she discipled our daughter, Krista, during Krista's high school years.

When Suzanne and her husband, Scott, had their first baby, they made the hard decision to have Suzanne leave the marketplace to mother full-time. What is the result? Five-year-old Tyler is an obedient, confident, bright boy - a joy to be around. And three-year-old Krista (our daughters namesake), is a secure, impishly tenacious, totally irresistible little girl. Both Tyler and Krista have strong wills and required hard work, patience, and untold sacrifices on the part of their parents. But if you could spend an afternoon with these little ones, as my family loves to do, you would see the imprint of their mother on them, and you would delight in it. Has it been easy? Definitely not. Suzanne has felt depleted, isolated, and financially strapped at times. But to her the price has been worth it. She could never replace those years with her babies, nor would she want to. How much value would any other success hold if she failed as a mother?

Someone is going to be influencing your child during those formative preschool years. Someone is going to be inculcating values and imprinting standards on that impressionable young soul. Let it be you. 

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God's purpose for us as His daughters is not freedom from the difficulties of life. His goal is to make us like Christ, and through us, to mark our children with His beauty.

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When we're struggling with the demands and responsibilities of motherhood, our deepest problem is not necessarily an insensitive husband, cranky kids, or a tight budget. Our deepest problem is our own resistance to total selflessness. It costs to serve. It's tiring and dirty and inglorious.

Are you struggling with your role as a mother-servant in your home? Are you resenting your kids? Are you fearful that life might slip through your fingers? Recognize your feelings for what they are: self-centered and unfaithful toward the God who called you to mother.

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The highlighted phrases spoke to the core of who I am as a teacher, mother and wife. I need to read that every day, that my deepest problem is my own resistance to selflessness. My feelings are self-centered and unfaithful toward the God who called me to mother. I have to let it go and like Suzanne there are days, moments, points in time that I feel depleted, isolated, and financially strapped (I know I'm not alone). But I will reiterate Suzanne's ultimate feelings: the price has been worth it and I would never, not in a million years replace what I have with my Briella Bean. There is more value in God's eyes to be full time mother than a teacher. I have to constantly remind myself that. Constantly.

Bennett's Birth Story [Water Birth]

Another incredible story of trust in GOD's perfect timing, thank you Emily for sharing it with us!

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Bennett's birth, early in the morning of September 5th, was perfect!

I am blessed beyond words with amazing family and friend support God has carefully placed in my life. As I type this, my son is being doted upon by his honorary aunties who I am fairly sure are feeding him mac and cheese and juice, the good stuff he doesn’t get at home. The night Bennett was born, I was surrounded by my three best friends as we planned the final details for one of their weddings and I baked a cake for a coworker leaving the Division the next day. I didn’t feel any different than normal and hurriedly went about the work that needed to be done. Amongst the giggles, printer noise and paper cutter slicing, I stopped to use the restroom. I stood up and turned bright red with embarrassment, I had always heard very pregnant mama’s sometimes pee themselves but thankfully up until this exact moment in time, I had avoided that lovely side effect of pregnancy. I quickly changed and started back downstairs when it happened again…a small woosh of liquid everywhere. The girls called out to check on me. I answered in a quiet voice, “I think my water just broke…” All three were hovered around me in our small upstairs bathroom in what felt like seconds! We decided to call our doula and the midwifery. The midwifery told me I had an appointment at 10 am the next morning to check me and to try to get some sleep. 12 hours later… little did I know... that would be much too long to wait. 

Our doula, who technically wasn’t even “on call” yet, (our contract stated she would be available 2 weeks prior) told us to start tracking contractions as they came. Immediately one of my girlfriends grabbed a note pad and began writing out columns. She is a VERY organized person. Another friend grabbed the computer to begin downloading music for me. I had asked for a good “birthing mix” earlier in the week. The third friend downloaded a stop watch app on her phone. I, feeling no contractions yet, called my husband who was at work, and told him what was going on. He asked if he could finish some things and I said yes but to be ready if I called back. I then proceeded to march to the kitchen to finish the cake I had promised my coworkers! My three girlfriends laughed and followed my every move. About an hour later contractions started and never stopped. 

“CONTRACTION!” I’d yell. 

“Timer!” someone would say. 

“Got it!” another friend would yell. 

We had planned an all natural birth at the only free standing birthing center in Colorado. I was excited to trust in God and my body, and birth my son naturally in the water. But oh my!!!! If this is just the beginning of labor, stage 1, and thinking, I am totally going to fail at this! What was I thinking!!!! This hurts! Oh Lord please help me, I can’t do this…

Another hour later my contractions were all over the place. No rhyme or reason, no consistency in length, duration, time in between. I called my husband as the pain intensified. "Please come home," I begged. He agreed and said he was leaving to make the 20 minute drive home. I called my doula and let her know how things were going. She agreed to come to my house even though I was only 2.5 hours into labor. I told my girlfriends they could go home. It was late and they all had to work in the morning. Thank the Lord they did not listen to me and leave! I wasn’t sure what I felt. I thought I had to use the bathroom. I kept going back and forth from my bed (yea right-I was trying to “get some sleep”) to the bathroom but I really didn’t need to go. Then I said it out loud, words that scared everyone in the room…

“I feel like I need to push.” 

I was still at home. My husband was not there, my doula was not there. What was about to happen? Immediately my friends called my doula who said we needed to leave for the birth center right away and she would meet us there. She would not be coming to the house. I called my husband who was just pulling into the driveway. My friends rushed me into his car with our “go bag”. My husband called the midwifery as we started the drive. Unknown to me, they told him if there was a hospital between our house and the midwifery, we needed to go there instead. Thankfully my husband knows me too well and we pushed on. The normally 25 minute drive only took us 14 minutes. As I look back I am very thankful we trusted in the Lord and His timing. I felt calm and confident He was with us and taking care of every step along this journey. God really does have perfect timing doesn’t He? 

Our doula met us in the front of the building. I was led into the front room where I had one big contraction. Once I got into the room I just kept asking to get in the tub. The midwife and nurse helped me undress and asked me to lay on a bed first to be checked and to place the monitor on the baby. I responded in tears “there’s not time”. The midwife checked me standing up and told me to get in the tub b/c she felt Bennett’s head! 2 pushes later, 7 minutes from the time we pulled up to the midwifery in our car, my beautiful 6 pound 15.5 ounce baby boy was born naturally in the water. 

As hectic as it seems when I say or type the story, I was very much at peace the entire time. I felt God’s presence and knew he was watching over all of us. It was incredible. 

My husband and I were fortunate enough to have hired an amazing doula who took photos. We got to spend time with Bennett in the tub and then in the bed in the room and he never left our side. We delayed cord cutting and worked on breastfeeding until Bennett latched and sleepily napped on my chest. I took him into the regular bath with me once I was taken care of and able to move around. My husband and I gave Bennett his first bath together in warm water full of healing herbs. 

As I dried off, my husband took our new baby to get weighed and measured then we snuggled a bit longer together as a family. 

Bennett was observed with us for 4 hours and finally the 3 of us went home. Yes, home to our house, our bed, and our dogs with our new baby. It was incredible and peaceful. Ironically we were observed longer than my entire labor. My husband still laughs, he was home with Bennett sooner than he would have been had he have worked his entire shift! From water breaking, to Bennett’s birth, it was 3 hours and 53 minutes. We now know to go to the midwifery immediately if my water breaks for baby #2. Especially if “they” are right and 2nd babies come faster than first babies.

We Are ALL Terrible Mommy's

Today is another day in the saga of "my daughter only wants to eat graham crackers" (for every meal, all the time). When I place a wholesome meal in front of her (that she has thoroughly enjoyed in the past) she refuses to eat it and even spits it out when I give it to her. Ahhhhhhh! It's so irritating! When I'm irritated I am not patient or kind. Plus, she is hungry (no matter how many crackers you eat, it can't be fulfilling) and as a result she is uber whiny, clingy, and irritable. I'm at my wits end.

I decided a picture of me at my wits end might help concrete the following description of my frustration...

She's also refusing to play without me. In the past I'd play with her for a half hour or so to start the day, and let her play by herself, give her a task to do with me and all was hunky-dory. Noooooooo, not anymore. She is at my feet all.the.time. clinging to my pants (I hate that), begging for my attention. Crying, whining, screaming for "ca-ca-ca" (crackers). It's impossible to accomplish anything... which leads me to my next rant...

Today is also day (whatever... it seems like an eternity when you're in the midst of it) that she is FIGHTING sleep. And by fighting sleep I mean that she's on the verge of passing out (eye rubbage, looooooong blinks, the typical "I'm so sleepy!" signs) so I'll lay her down, and she will play and play and play and talk and talk and talk for a long time. Today it went on for an hour! She seemed happy, like time to relax in the crib is what she needed, so I took her out, tried to give her some lunch, and decided to try and accomplish something, anything, blah, blah, blah... crankiness continued, refusing to eat, not leaving my side....

It came to a head when I began folding laundry. I'd fold a piece, set it down and she'd yank it off the couch and throw it back into the laundry basket or meander over to her dirty clothes bin and throw it in. I took a deep breath and said this prayer, "Lord, help me." And it was then (as she grabs a piece from the basket and does this cute little rendition of roll-it-up from patty cake) that I realized she was trying to fold it! In my selfish, irritated state I did not realize that my daughter was mimicking my actions in laundry-doing, she was trying to help me! Conviction set in and I had this realization that I am a terrible mommy, unfortunately, as I'm typing this I know other mom's are going, "Honey, I get it! You're not terrible." Yes I am and so are you. We are all terrible mommy's.

I'm being 110% serious.

Hear me out.

I'm studying the book of Romans right now. In chapter 1 Paul's description of sin, of our depravity, leads the reader to understand why we desperately need the gospel. We are liars, haters, boastful, foolish (everything that describes me today and every other day of my life). When we abandon God, God "...gives us up" to our sinful desires. Because of our sin against a perfect and holy God we deserve to die! Paul is very adamant that ALL have sinned, ALL of us are rotten, ALL OF US ARE TERRIBLE!

"None is righteous, no, not one;

no one understands; no one seeks for God. 

All have turned aside; 

together they have become worthless; 

no one does good, not even one. 

Their throat is an open grave; 

they use their tongues to deceive. 

The venom of asps is under their lips. 

Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness.

Their feet are swift to shed blood; 

in their paths are ruin and misery, 

and the way of peace they have not known.

There is no fear of God before their eyes." (Romans 3:11-18)

I don't think we can hem-haw around that passage. There is not one of us that can escape the fact that we are terrible people and because we are ALL sinners we deserve death. We do not deserve to be in the presence of a perfect God. "... for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23) We deserve to die for all that we've done, murderers, haters, liars, and terrible mothers alike.

"For the wages of sin is death..." (Romans 6:23)

Because of what we've done against God (like being a selfish mommy), we deserve to die. Just in case Paul wasn't clear in chapter 3:11-18, we deserve to die.

So on these days when I become so irritated with my child that I want to lock myself in a closet, scream, and then gulp down a glass of wine, what is my hope? Well God had a plan knowing we'd have days like this, weeks, years even, and we'd continue to be inadequate in meeting His perfect Law.

"God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)

Christ took the death that WE DESERVE! He lived, he died, and rose again. Jesus Christ took God's wrath on the cross so that His children can enter heaven holy and blameless, despite being terrible!

I must admit the fact that I'm a terrible mother, wife, PERSON, and rely on the Holy Spirit to guide me, teach me, even in my failings as a mommy. You will continue to fall short every day of your life. You will never measure up to a perfect God. There are no good people apart from God. So thank you Jesus that "...if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." (Romans 10:9) That's it! And that's something I remind myself of daily, especially in moments like this when I'm failing as mommy, despite my best efforts.

And thanks be to Jesus and what He accomplished on the cross because without that one selfless act I would be doomed on days like today, but it's days like today that I'm forever thankful that "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1) Wow. Despite my terrible daily imperfections, I am not doomed. Despite my daily act of trying to be good mommy (and failing), God is good. Regardless of my never ending failures, He is unchanging. No matter how many times I give in to my resolve to yell, scream, shut myself up in the closet, God is faithful. No matter how lazy I become, God is always at work in my life. Despite my impatience, He is patient. Even though I am a terrible mommy, He is perfect. 

As long as I trust in HIM, this mommy job is one that He is using for His glory, no matter what I do or say. Hallelujah, because today... today I'm a terrible mommy. Tomorrow isn't looking so hot either. So I will take a deep breath, say a quick prayer, give thanks for His grace, and rely on the Holy Spirit. Without that, my terrible, earthly, fleshly self is hopeless and lost and terrible.

These are the qualities of the Holy Spirit that I need in parenting: patience, kindness, self-control, love... and according the the Bible NO ONE possess's these qualities without Him because of our sin. Outwardly we might try to work on these things, but it's the heart that matters and if our heart is not right with God, those qualities will continue to be surface level. In order to be a good mommy, I must embrace the fact that I am a sinner in need of Christ, and once I allow the Holy Spirit to intervene, I am good at this job only because He's giving me HIS perfect qualities.

Side note: I think that from now on when I hear a mother exclaim, "I'm a terrible mother!" I'll agree and say, "Yup, we are all terrible mommy's. Thank goodness for Jesus Christ's grace and for His perfect example on what it means to be a good parent. We must simply be willing to let Him guide us as we go. Rely on Him." And that's that.

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This post may come as a shock after reading my recent argument about this amazing job we call motherhood. I'm not taking back what I wrote there, I meant every word I said, but we cannot embrace the truth -- that God gave us the ability to nurture life -- unless we truly embrace the source of that ability!