I am blessed with an iPhone. That means that I use it to play music, take pictures, surf the net, and much, much more. However, it's also a curse because I had this brilliant idea to play music during the "Make Baby E Pretty in Purple" activity, which also meant that I forgot to take pictures. I realized this fact as I climbed into bed that night, and then I couldn't sleep because it bugged me so much. So the pictures I do have are the ones I took at home. I have zero pictures to show how it all turned out. Sorry. Mostly I'm sorry to the mother-to-be because I try to take pictures and give them to her later. Dang. IT!
So I failed there, but believe me when I say, that it will probably never happen again!
"Pretty in Purple" Baby Shower
Decorations
Everything was purple! Purple table cloths, purple streamers, purple balloons, purple tissue paper "poofs" (Yeah, that's what I called them, that's probably not their "official" name.)...
Scattered on each table was purple paint chips.
I found a silver giraffe (piggy) bank that was super cute, tied a purple ribbon around its neck and put it on display. (The mother-to-be specifically mentioned an interest in giraffe's.)
I cut out each letter and created paper onsies to hang as a "Pretty in Purple" clothes line banner. In fact, the mother-to-be loved the little onsies and wanted to take them home. This was the most time consuming piece that I really, really wish I took a picture of, because it turned out super cute.
I found this poem about the color purple and decided to frame it, cause it was so adorable!
What Is Purple? Time is purple Just before night When most people Turn on the light-- But if you don’t it’s A beautiful sight. Asters are purple, There’s purple ink. Purple’s more popular Thank you think… It’s sort of a great Grandmother to pink. There are purple shadows And purple veils, Some ladies purple Their fingernails. There’s purple jam And purple jell And a purple bruise Next day will tell Where you landed When you fell. The purple feeling Is rather put-out The purple look is a Definite pout. But the purple sound Is the loveliest thing It’s a violet opening In the spring. by Mary O'Neill
Food
Blueberry Crumble Bars
Almond Bark and M&M popcorn
Dark Chocolate Kisses
Good & Plenty Licorice
Activity
The Guest Book was a special activity in and of itself. I didn't realize that thinking of a favorite verse would be so difficult. Still, the guests seemed to enjoy it.
I found a purple Bible, where the guests highlighted their favorite verse and signed their name next to it. This is also where the gifts were recorded as a memorandum for mommy and baby.
I found onsies, bibs, headbands, and little hats to decorate - making Baby E "pretty in purple". Each guest was encouraged to make one item that Baby E could wear and the the majority of the decorations provided were purple. I had purple lace, tulle, flowers, ribbon, felt, hearts, and buttons. During this time we chatted, ate, and created!
The sign on the table adorned with all the stuff to create headbands, onsies, bibs and hats.
The example I made, (hoping) attempting to inspire creativity.
Devotions Due to the fact that her baby shower fell right around Easter season (and that her nursery is adorned in the color purple - which is deemed the color of royalty), it seemed appropriate to talk about our AMAZING King, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Our King was crucified, buried and rose again for His glory! Because of this, we are forgiven for our sins! What an amazing gift! I read from John 18:33-40, 19:1-11, and 19:17-22 because this is where Jesus was flogged, crucified, and where He was mocked as "King of the Jews" with a crown of thorns, a purple robe, and a sign in Aramaic, Latin and Greek that stated simply, "Jesus of Nazareth, the King of the Jews." I could think of nothing better to discuss: the Gospel, where we are forgiven of our sins, because of our amazing, LIVING King and what He accomplished on the cross!
For the first 3 months of Brielle's life I was exhausted. Brielle fought sleep, by simply not sleeping at all. It was a miracle when I finally did get her to sleep and I would sing prayers of thanksgiving. Once 10 PM hit, she was up and crying. I doubt I spent those first few months of her life sleeping next to my husband at all. Most of my sleeping was during her day time naps. She would seriously scream from 10 until early, early the next morning. The worst night was at Grandma's house where she screamed all night long, from 10 to 5 am.
When we relayed these details to our doctor she very pointedly exclaimed, "It sounds like she has a mild case of colic." Mild?! You call screaming all hours of the night mild?! I probably looked at her from dark ringed eyes and a scraggly hair do. I doubt my clothes even matched. I was running on nothing. I think back to those days as some of the most sleep deprived days of my life (not counting Greek week as a college freshman). I mean I was recovering from 2 surgery's, major iron deficiency and my doctor told me that the best recovery therapy was rest.
Haha. With a colicky newborn?!
So this morning when I read, "Prayer for Colic" out of my "Mommy Prayers" book by Tracy Mayor, I could totally relate.
Dear God, Have I offended you? I know I can be smug, what with my great husband, delightful toddler, and happy second pregnancy. Did I get too complacent or ungrateful? Because my new baby has colic, Lord, and at times it's so awful that if feels like nothing but a punishment from a vengeful God. Look at how my child is suffering! In a single day our happy, sleepy newborn turned into a howling, red-faced monster, and no matter what we try, we can't get him back. They say he's not in pain, God, but I'm not a fool. I can see with my eyes and feel with my heart that he's hurting. He's writhing and gasping and emitting that unmistakably ear-splitting colic cry for hours and hours on end. His big sister is angry and clingy and teary, and why shouldn't she be when there's not a moment of peace in the house from three in the afternoon till midnight, every single night? We've been to the pediatrician more times than I can count, and to every specialist in town. We've tried every feeding, holding, sleeping, and soothing trick in the book. I am clinging to the hope that this colic will very shortly end the same way it began - suddenly and without warning. Until then, Lord, please send us the strength and patience to somehow survive through these minutes and hours and days and weeks. You're our only hope, Lord. Thanks.
I think, had I read this 3 months ago, I would've cried. Now, I giggle as I relate to the feeling of desperation. I would have gratefully repeated the last line in bold, please give us strength and patience to survive! I laugh as I think of how I felt towards other mom's with newborns, holding their sleeping, not crying, baby and think, "Why can't my baby be like that?!" I don't ever remember my child sleeping peacefully in my arms, in her car seat, crib, swing, bouncy chair.... In fact, one night at Bible study a mom of three yelled over my screaming child, "Don't worry! Your next baby will be different, not all babies are like this!"
WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT ANOTHER BABY?!
I mean my first experience with giving birth was an emergency experience, 10 days later I almost died from postpartum hemorrhaging, and while I was supposed to be recovering from both of these experiences I'm a sleep deprived, sickly, weak mommy of a colicky newborn. Having more children was not on any thought spectrum of either my husband or myself.
If you're reading this, while experiencing a newborn with colic, do not worry. It does end as suddenly as it began. The moment you try one thing and it works that one time, the next time it won't. But do not lose heart, you will get through this! You will be a more patient, loving parent because of it and you will be able to look back at this portion of your life as a refining fire, where your only hope was literally in the Lord and his strength!
In the mean time, I'm praying for you and all sleep deprived mommy's out there, trying to recover from labor and delivery, that you find rest in God and love the little blessing He entrusted to you.
I cannot believe that my bean is already 5 months old! There is so much about this age that I absolutely love. She's becoming more animated during play time. She's giggling at things that she finds funny, like the puppies and sneezes. She's desperately trying to move, move, move! She's recognizing and thriving with her bedtime routine, which I honestly believe is her favorite time of the day because she gets to eat cereal, play in the bath, listen to daddy read a story, and rock with mommy. What's not to love? ;)
At 15-19 weeks Brielle...
... began to show signs of separation anxiety. You might think I'm crazy, but the moment she even looked at someone else she'd burst into tears. If someone else held her, everyone knew she was upset about that. Big honkin' tears would stream down her face and it would take forever to convince her that everything was okay. As long as mommy or daddy held her, life was good. Going to the nursery at church without mom or dad was a bad idea. Someone else telling her how cute she was at the library during story hour didn't go so well. If someone else wanted to hold her at a basketball game, um, I had to decline. Life suddenly revolved very much around mommy and daddy, and mommy and daddy only.
... rolled from her back to her tummy! She was officially on the move!
... enjoys sitting in her high chair. She sits in it to play and eat.
... followed intently along as books were read to her. It's pretty incredible. We noticed that she loved following along to the book "Crazy Farm" that's on my iPhone. If she's upset we put that book on for her to watch and she's instantly excited and all smiley (and I'm not exaggerating)! Still, after a bit she's ready to squirm on to the next thing.
... tried cereal for the first time. She loved it and begged for more!
... played at the park. She seemed to enjoy the swing and the slide!
Notice how Marley, our other baby, thought he HAD to join us... :)
At 20-22 weeks Brielle...
... created new and fun sounds like, mmmmmmm and b-b-b-b (that also required bubbles and spit to produce effectively).
... insists on standing, sitting, rolling. She does NOT want to be still!
She was facing the other direction under her activity "jungle gym" thing. She rolled and scooted herself closer to her toy basket!
... laughs at mommy or daddy signing along to music. Apparently we have funny voices.
... also laughs at the puppies. More so than at mommy and daddy. She watches her puppies like a hawk, they're so interesting!
... found her feet in the bathtub and is now beginning to pull her socks off.
... received a Valentine from daddy. It was so sweet and she loves her toy.
... uses her hands to scoot... backwards!
... copies daddy when he spits at her, greeeeeeeat!
All in all we have a very animated baby. When she's excited she bounces, when she's frustrated she clamps her fists and straightens her arms, when she talks, her arms are in motion and the spit is flying. I am so blessed to be her mommy! Thank you God for this wonderful, healthy, beautiful baby girl! (By the way, just LOOK at that round belly! It gets a lot of raspberries! :)
I recently took over the task of throwing baby showers for all the expecting mothers in our church. I enjoyed throwing the first shower so much that I can't wait to begin working on the next one (Yes, our church is overflowing with BABIES and we LOVE it.)
I asked Laura, the mommy, to give me an idea of what little Reese's nursery looked like, and when she sent me a picture I immediately hit Pinterest to find ideas for her pink and green birdie theme. The IDEAS! There were so many of them and they were all so stinkin' cute!
Theme: "How Tweet It Is"
Color Scheme: Pink and Green
Theme Verse: Matthew 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"
Food: Strawberry Cake Mix Cookies, Kiwi, Strawberries, Green Apples, Grapes, Guacamole Dip and Chips
Beverage: Pink Lemonade
Activities:
I read a story to Reese called, "The Story of Blue Wings" which was in a collection of short stories and poems by Ada M. Skinner and Eleanor L. Skinner. If you run across this book, "A Very Little Child's Book of Stories" get it. This was my favorite part of the baby shower. Perhaps that's the nerd in me, but it's such a cute, cute story of a little girl who mends a blue birds wing until he is able to fly away on his own, even though she has to let him go, they'll be forever friends.
Tweet Little Messages for Reese
This cute little keepsake book was where the guests signed in and where the gifts were written down. In it there was a section for these little "tweets" where the guests wrote pieces of advice or well wishes and glued it in the book for Reese to read someday.
Late Night Tweets for Mommy
Each mom can totally relate to late night diaper changes and feeding - they're exhausting. How much better would it be if we had little messages on the diapers to make the experience just a little bit more enjoyable? That's what we did for mommy. We wrote little "tweets" on these late night diapers. Some of them were pretty creative and funny, like "Surprise inside!" or "This one's for Daddy!" Everyone had a lot of fun with this activity and wanted to write on more than one diaper!
Devotional: Our pastor's wife used the theme verse (Matthew 6:26) to talk about how Jesus taught us not to worry, because he has promised to take care of those whom He loves. I mean, look at the birds? He takes care of them, so He will take care of you too little Reese, and don't ever forget that! Lean on Him. Trust in Him. And you will find peace and hope.
"A Little Birdie Told Me" and other Idioms Game
I read these idioms out loud and the guests were to guess the meaning of each. The one who got the most was the winner! At first it was a silent game, but after awhile they had fun discussing the possible meaning and laughing at all the possibilities.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush (having something that is certain is better than taking a risk)
Mums the word (to keep quiet or say nothing)
Put the cat among the pigeons (to cause trouble)
Bird brain (stupid)
Feather in one's cap (Something to be proud of)
For the birds (not interesting, worthless)
In fine feather (good humor)
Lovely weather for the ducks (rainy)
dead duck (someone in a hopeless situation)
What's good for the goose is good for the gander (what's good for one person should be good for someone else)
Prizes:
I was surprised how many pink and green goodies Dollar General had! First of all the bags were an easy snag. They were $1 each with pink and green tissue paper. I grabbed pink aloe socks with pink and green nail polish as one prize, a pink Glade candle that smelled heavenly, individual pink lemonade packets with a pink cup and straw, and little pink buckets filled with Andes Chocolate Green mints.
"The Early Bird Catches the Worm" (The first person to arrive, got the first prize.)
The winner of the Idiom game also won a prize.
Lastly, under a few chairs there was a bird that said, "A Tweet For You!" Whoever was so lucky as to sit on one of those chairs also received a prize.
Decorations:
The Prizes with a feather wreath to hang in her nursery.
I had so much fun putting this together (okay, minus the time I was cursing the feather boa and hot glue gun) but the bird and the little flowers were so much fun and I LOVE how it turned out.
Above the fireplace I hung a clothesline filled with pink and green clothing, a birdie bib, and cute little socks. Birds were also hanging out on the clothes line... here's a close up of each of them that I cut out of felt, decorated and hot glued a clothes pin on the back...
Here are the centerpieces for the tables. It was so easy to find a stick, glue on a nest that I found at Hobby Lobby (2 for $3) and set my little birdies around it.
Close up of the table birdies that I made out of scrapbook paper and wire that I bent into "heart feet!"
Food Table...
I painted polka dots on the eggs, and didn't update my close up picture for some reason. :-/ It took me FOREVER to come up with a design that I actually liked for this frame. I created something, destroyed it, started over at least 3 times!
This frame has the theme verse on it, Matthew 6:26.
This frame was created to place a picture of Reese inside, after all, she is a tweety pie!
The sign says, "watch me grow" and was also created for a picture. I ordered the little bird house off of Amazon from a company called Miniature Gardening for $1.59!
Invite: (There was only one person Laura needed an invite sent to that didn't go to our church, that was easy peasy! So I simply created one with the materials I already had!)
All in all it was a great time! I had fun putting it all together. I used Saturday afternoons when my hubby could take Brielle to work on it and used many nap times, and a few play times here and there on the off chance she was satisfied playing by herself. Thankfully, it was a no stress experience. I had a blast on the day it finally came together because it seemed like Laura, who this was all about in the first place, was enjoying herself. Hopefully, she liked everything and walked away with a smile.
I have to say it was all pretty "tweet" just like Laura's little Reese.
It’s after work and I close my door, almost tripping as I’m climb into bed, I’m so tired.
It’s warm outside, but I put a blanket on anyway.
It’s a security thing.
It doesn’t take long to fall asleep and I’m in a state of nothingness when I hear it.
It’s the door.
It opened, I swear it.
It may be my nightmares so I try to drag myself from my sleepy, stupid slumber.
But I decide against it and tell myself I’m dreaming.
It’s so easy to fall back into zzzz’s and I relax until,
I hear it…
It’s footsteps, slowly, creaking… I can almost see the intruder, everything but his face.
It’s almost as if he’s smiling, knowing I’m home alone.
“It’s just a dream,” I scream inside my head, like I actually believe me, but…
It’s getting closer.
It’s the footsteps I hear, softly at first, growing louder as the intruder makes his way down the hallway.
It’s almost like he smells my fear and mocks me as he stands at the doorway, forever.
“IT’S JUST A NIGHTMARE,” I try to whisper out loud, shrieking inside my head, until…
It’s the doorknob… turning, slowly turning, I don’t open my eyes, but I hear it’s sound.
It’s… it’s, unmistakable.
It clicks about mid-turn. Every time.
“It’s not a nightmare this time,” I try and breath so I reach for my knife, but in my sleepy stupor I can’t grasp it, I can’t even lift it, which only adds to my fear.
It’s hot outside, but I’m shaking, my teeth clattering, shivering, and sweating all at once.
It’s fear. He knows it. I know it and I try to hide it, to pretend it isn’t happening.
It’s just the stuff of my nightmares, it’s just a nightmare, it’s just my nightmares...
Right?
I’ve dreamed this dream a thousand times. I can never wake myself up, but I think I do.
I’m REMming and think I’m out of bed, walking, trying to shut and lock my door, but I can’t push it. So then I know I’m still asleep. Once that realization hits me, I’m immediately back in bed. So it starts over. I try to wake myself up. Walk. Shut my door, grab a knife, hit the lock, only these tasks are impossible. Once that happens, I know I’m sleeping. Bam! I’m back in bed, so I focus on trying to WAKE UP. It’s exhausting. I hate it so much. I’m so sick of being tired and so sick of being afraid to close my eyes.
I’ve always had weird dreams. As a kid my dad said I had night terrors where I’d wake up, point to the same corner, and scream, “Don’t you see it daddy?” Thank God, I don’t remember what I was trying to get him to see.
Eventually it evolved to me sleep walking, but the worst of them was my upside-down dreams. Yeah, seriously. Everything was upside-down. After having this dream, I’d open my eyes and everything would still be upside-down. Briefly, but it scared the heck out of me. Scared me so much that I refused to close my eyes again, knowing what would happen if I did.
These dreams continued long into my twenties, when I was living on my own. People told my parents I’d “grow out of it.” I guess I haven’t grown up yet. I had nightmares after watching this stupid movie about a witch who couldn’t survive in the light, so the poor guy bathed his house in it. It was a stupid movie, but I dreamt about it anyway. I even remember having nightmares after watching, “The Legend” with Will Smith. They’re stupid movies. I know that, I tell myself that over and over and over again, but it doesn’t matter. It’s like I’m feeding my nightmares. Why do I do that to myself?
Then I made the biggest mistake. I watched “The Exorcist”.Dumbest move ever. I had the “all my friends are watching it” mentality. It has forever affected my dreams.
The last movie that affected my dreams the most, which will totally surprise you, was "The Passion". I totally recommend that movie to anyone and everyone, you will not be unaffected, But the part that affected my dreams was the demon children who followed Judas to his hanging himself. Read on and you'll see why....
The movies weren’t the “icing on the cake,” so to speak. It was a break in attempt. It was around and I was on the phone with Kyle, who was my boyfriend at the time, when suddenly my front door slams open. Whoever wanted to get in, tried really hard because it actually bent the screen door when whoever-it-was opened it. Today I thank God for two things: one, I had my pad lock locked and two, my lab, pit bull mix puppy went nuts. Because once she started barking the door knob stopped jiggling and whoever it was ran away. THAT’S when these dreams started.
At first I was trying to wake myself up so I could defend myself against a break in, but eventually it lead to little demons running around my house. I even thought a few times that I was actually being levitated off the bed! The worst part was… I knew I was dreaming, so I’d try to wake myself up, and was never successful unless I got Kyle’s attention. I’d try shrieking his name, hitting him, screaming as loud as I could, but he told me over and over again, after waking me up, that I was just “breathing weird” and making "strange noises."
It was almost like demons were haunting me through my dreams. I hate writing this down, or even admitting it out loud but it scared the bejeebees out of me. Plus, it sounds crazy. Demons? Really, Becky?
My dad told a story of a woman he witnessed, after asking a group of men to lay hands on her and pray for her, barely being held down by numerous men after attempting this prayer session. Her anger was obvious and her overall demeanor changed, and the way my dad described it – it was not of the heavenly world. I’ve heard others about scales over the eyes, voices changing, angry dispositions gone. Believe me, this isn’t fantasy. The more I thought of this, the more I wondered if my dreams weren't just dreams.
So I figured I needed to figure out a way to peaceably sleep. But, I soon found out I am unable to do that.
I went from having these dreams every, single, night to disappearing altogether. It’s because my trust focus changed from, I need Kyle to wake me up or I need to wake myself up, to “God, please help me.” I began praying and quoting every Bible verse I knew. I still have freaky dreams occasionally, but I suddenly realized they feared God more than I feared them! AND I HAVE GOD WITHIN ME! What was I to fear? It was never about me after all! DUH! Once this realization hit me, the dreams were less frequent.
It’s crazy, I know it, but these dreams returned after hearing my pastor preach about Angels and Demons, adding to my plethora of scary stories. I mean, come on! I hear a sermon – confirming what I already know – and it brings these dreams back?! It’s like a relapse of PTSD. I hear one story about a kid possessed with evil spirits, how he told him he was “hearing voices,” and cutting himself because it was the only way to stop hearing them – and wham, bam-a-lam, I have another dream. After this dream they stopped for a while again.
Until last night.
I can't explain the dream really. But I can tell you what happened...
I was exhausted and couldn't help closing my eyes, but the moment I did the darkness changed. I don't really know how to explain it except like this... close your eyes, now put your hand over your eyes. It went from dark to dark-er. Then there was a heaviness. I struggled to breath, talk, or lift my arms. So I'd pray and wake myself up. Again, I was exhausted and had a hard time keeping my eyes open, but the moment they were closed, I felt the darkness and heaviness, so I'd pray, wake up, close my eyes, pray, etc. Then I tried to wake Kyle to pray with me, but I think in the moments when I was most awake I was still partially asleep because it did not affect him in the slightest. I was terrified of closing my eyes, so I decided that I had nothing else to do but get on my knees and pray, beg, for God to help me. I fell asleep in that position and next woke up on my hands and knees, sleeping peacefully.
So telling this, writing it down, is an attempt to figure out why I'm having these dreams and to ask that you, as the reader, pray for me. Maybe I'll never figure out why I'm having these things happen to me, but I have a feeling that this isn't the last of these nightmares. Thankfully I have faith in the promise for a perfect ending with no tears, frustrations, or fears because Satan will be defeated. Call me crazy, but I seriously think that I'm being haunted by a demon. I only wish I knew the reason why. But until the day this all goes away I will face this demon straight on, knowing I have the power of Christ Jesus. The Holy Spirit is way smarter than me, or any demon, and thankfully He resides within me, so there’s one thing I know beyond a shadow of a doubt: I’m not alone. I can face my nightmares having faith in that one fact, because now when these dreams do occur – whether I feel like I’m floating above my bed, or dealing with an overpowering mess, or someone is trying to break into my house, or if I have little demon children running through my hallways, I find myself praying and praising God! And guess what? My nightmares haven’t entirely stopped, but when they do come, not only am I able to wake up, but I’m able to peaceably fall asleep afterwards.
Dang. The power of prayer and praise, to a God so worthy of it, amazes me still!
Quigley has been particularly crazy since my last post (CraaaAaaAzzzzzy Quigley) and I had to share his latest....
He loves to stand in front of heaters with his mouth open, breathing in the warm air. I had to spent a significant portion of the day teaching him that it's not ok to sleep RIGHT up against the space heater.
He also loves rattles. I had to put all of Brielle's toys that we play with periodically through the day in a tub, (and make sure they are always picked up when we are done) with a lid, because he'll take them and shake his head around vigorously.
He is a HUGE fan of anything FEET. If you walk by him he believes that it is an invitation to play and will shove his head between your knees and attack your feet. His new thing is to hide under the bed and attack your feet as you walk by. He also loves shoes, socks and slippers. He has yet to destroy anything (ok, the insole of Kyle's right slipper has seen better days) but if we're missing a sock or shoe we always know to look in his kennel where he "stores" them. He's been known to take the socks right off Brielle's feet. She doesn't seem to mind this in the slightest, but his obsession is getting out of control. So Kyle took some old beat up socks, tied knots in them, and gave them to Quigley. He's in heaven.
If Quigley likes something that he doesn't want to share, he'll "bury" it. I'll find rawhides under the rugs, blankets and pillows. It's absolutely HILARIOUS to watch him bury something in the house. He'll use his nose and paws to "keep it hidden" which of course, it's not.
Lately he will shimmy himself under the bed in the basement guest room, bark, growl and whine at whatever is under there (which is nothing, cause I've looked). He'll sprint under the bed, make a significant amount of noise, fly out from under the bed, sprint around the bed and into the family room, and he does all of this with his ears back and tail tucked (which I'm guessing is a tactic he uses to increase speed).
Marley, who looks like a midget dog compared to Quigley, displays his dominance daily by sitting ON him. Quigley could care less. In fact, MARLEY gets in trouble for nipping at Quigley's ears, making him cry! So much for Quigley being the bigger, more dominant male dog.
If I'm sweeping, I'll find Quigley with a dust bunny hanging from his mouth, which scatters the pile everywhere, causing me to start all over.
He is a quick littler learner as well. It didn't take him long to learn to sit and lay down. We're still working on the ability to stay - he gets SO EXCITED! He also does very, very well on a leash. Better than Marley.... We're so glad that Quigley is the opposite of Marley's stubborn behavior, because we couldn't handle it if he was. Quigley is so laid back. Marley is high strung and doesn't understand that when he gets himself all worked up over something (like the mailman) Quigley INSTANTLY wants to play, which frustrates the HECK out of Marley, who hides under tables and growls at him. Quigley, in the mean time, has his butt up in the air, whining, and wagging his tail, ready to play, which was never Marley's intention. Poor Quigley, he just doesn't get it.
Quiggles (yes, we occasionally call him that) is such a goofy, crazy dog and we love him! Kyle and I laughed at whatever crazy thing he was doing the other night and commented that we are so glad we picked the name Quigley, it just suits him! He most definitely brings a whole new level of entertainment to our home.
I will always be able to look back at this year with amazement. Memorable doesn't even begin to describe the last few months of our lives. I truly believe that this is one of those years where we will be able to look back and see God's faithfulness. We have "little" reminders through out our daily lives, but this year offered enormous events that proved in so many ways that we can truly rely on God for everything. Finances. Groceries. Home Remodel. And... our LIVES.
This year has been full of blessings, heartaches, wake up calls, heart stopping moments, and through it all we are reminded as we look back that God is sovereign. He is in control of it all.
As I look back I bring myself close to tears as I recall....
Bringing in the New Year wondering if we were expecting. We had one discussion trying to decide whether or not we were ready to start a family. Our conclusion? God's in control. If He wants us to start a family, well, we'll start a family. One week later. No joke, I just knew I was pregnant. So when New Years came around we had a twinge of excitement - but no solid "positive" test at that point.
I remember taking test after test after test and they all came back negative. Which was slightly crushing. I was convinced that either I was prego or that something was seriously wrong with me. One morning, after a negative test, my husband and I decided to go out to breakfast. I spent the morning in tears, boo-hooing that, "This is just so much fun! I love having coffee with you! I love you so much!" This was not my norm and as my husband looked at me with, "my wife's a weirdo" eyes, he stated simply, "You've got to be pregnant!"
One Wednesday a few days later I finally got the positive we'd been anxiously waiting for!
Now, we had a decision to make. I loved my job as a junior high reading teacher, however, we felt like God was leading us to make the decision of being a stay-at-home mom. It was so hard! I just finished my masters degree in 2010, I was just getting to the point where I felt like I "had this teacher thing down," and I loved my positions as head JH basketball coach and assistant HS track and field coach. Despite the fact that I was where I had always dreamed of being, I felt like staying at home was what I needed to do. It was the hardest resignation to submit. The moment I handed the superintendent the letter, I wanted to take it back. It was a leap of faith, because I felt a tug in both directions. What finally made my decision was two things: 1. The one day care provider we trusted, was full. and 2. Kyle said, "Becky, you can always go back to teaching, but you'll never have those first years of you daughters life back."
So when April rolled around, I finally announced that I would not be returning. I was then beginning to focus on preparing for our baby.
Part of the preparation was going to church. Sunday mornings during Sunday school we studied Ecclesiastes where we learned what it means to fear God and that He is in control -
"What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun." (1:8)
Basically, God knows what happened yesterday, today and what will happen tomorrow. Why worry about it? Enjoy the day. Give thanks to God for it all and
"Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man." (12:13)
Then on Tuesdays we were studying Romans where my understanding of what it means to be a Christian increased ten fold! I honestly didn't know how valuable those two studies would be for me later....
When "later" rolled around my faith was put to the ultimate test....
Except for the first trimester where I felt like I had the flu and spent every moment sleeping, the pregnancy was flawless. We went to every appointment hearing, "Everything looks great!" Until I went to the doctor to monitor her heart rate five days after my due date. Her heart rate dropped to a scary low. This happened all during labor as well, until the doctor finally told us that if we didn't do an emergency c-section, we were going to lose her. I remember during my peak to peak contractions my sister asking the doctor, "Why are her contractions so long and intense?!" And the doctor replied, "Because she should be pushing!" My goal was to do the birth without meds, so while I was enduring the most intense portion of labor my cervix didn't want to cooperate. It acted like a funnel, with the top only dilating to three centimeters (after 22 hours of labor) and the bottom was dilated to nine centimeters. Our daughters head was being pushed into a tiny space, causing her to lose oxygen, thus dropping her heart rate significantly. It was one of the scariest moments of our life, but once they stopped the contractions her heart rate shot back up and she was born healthy and beautiful.
She almost died that day, but it was an experience that Kyle and I can specifically say, "Wow! God is definitely in control."
We had an incredible first week at home together as a new family.
Then ten days later I experienced a scary postpartum hemorrhaging experience. I went to take a nap and woke up to my mother-in-law wanting to take me to the emergency room. I remember her asking questions and thinking I was answering them effectively, however she told me later that she had to ask multiple times, "Becky, what's the passcode to your phone so we cancall Kyle at work?"
"Becky, what's the passcode to your phone?"
"Becky, what's the passcode to your phone?" (x3)
...or what my address was so she could tell the 911 operator. We laugh about this now, but she said that the 911 operator asked her how old I was and I responded without even my mother-in-law repeating the question to me. How is it that I struggled answering questions and then I hear a question from someone else -on the phone- and I answer it right away? I was loopy.
So after losing conscienceness twice, getting rescue breaths, sternum rubs, going on an ambulance ride, finally "stabilizing" to move me to the helicopter where I was transported to Cheyenne, I found out that a piece of placenta had been left behind after the emergency c-section. In the course of 10 days I received 7 units of blood and 2 units of plasma. I look back on that whole experience and thank God that I had Kyle, my family, and faith in an unchanging God.
I almost died that day, but it was an experience that Kyle and I can specifically say, "Wow! God is definitely in control."
When we came home our house was clean and we had a new bed thanks to my wonderful family. They unloaded the mattress into the garage for Kyle to take to the dump later. As he was loading it in his truck my family asked me if I wanted to see it. I sat with my back to the window for a while, debating. When I finally decided that yes, I wanted to see it, I was blown away with how much blood I actually lost. My mom and I sat at the window, bawling, as we stared at two huge spots that had soaked clear to the box spring. We kept asking, "How did I live through that?!"
I asked Kyle what he would've done had we lost Brielle and then then days later me... "I would've closed the door to our home and never set foot in it again. Everywhere I look I see you and your preparations for our daughter. I don't know where I would've gone, but I would not have been able to stay."
My heart broke for him, how sad is it that he actually had to think about that, twice?
Since then I've had minor problems, a couple of infections on my incision that caused tenderness, but nothing major. I was amazed that after my second surgery in the same spot, that I felt so much better! I honestly didn't know that it wasn't normal to walk around Walgreen's for ten minutes and feel utterly exhausted. I didn't know that it wasn't normal to not be able to push Brielle's cart at the hospital over the door threshold. I was so incredibly weak! Just a walk through the hospital hallways exhausted me! I remember feeling sooooo tired after walking down the stairs or showering and getting dressed! After my D&C I was a new person. Who knew that one tiny piece of placenta could cause that much havoc!
Now that both ordeals are over and I'm finally able to say that I feel good, the medical bills are coming in one after another after another. It's overwhelming. We were expecting medical bills, but we weren't expecting a flight for life bill, an ambulance bill, an emergency room bill, a 2 surgery's kind of bill... as they come in we've literally been on our knee's, in tears, begging God for some kind of miracle. He is faithful. That's been obvious as we look back at this year's events. We know we'll be taken care of, but everything is in HIS timing. So we're learning patience and our faith is being put through the refining fire. We know we need to trust in Him, but do you know how hard that is when you're literally in the red every month? So we go back to Proverbs 3:5 over and over again,
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths."
We praise God that we have a warm house to live in. Groceries to put on the table. Clothes to wear. We praise God that we have a beautiful baby girl and that I'm alive to watch her smile for the first time! We praise God for everything we learned - growing in our relationship with Him as we studied His word. We praise God for the events of this year, because without the fire, our trust in God would not have grown to where it is today.
2012 was most definitely a memorable year, but we'll always be able to look back at the memories and know we can trust in an ever faithful, unchanging, loving, strong God who promises to take care of us.
