Friday, August 31, 2012

5 Things Every Husband Should Know [OR 5 Things Their Wives Want Them To Know]

Girls grow up dreaming about their prince. The wedding is only part of what we dream about, it's a significant portion, mind you, but it isn't the full story. We dream about the honeymoon, what it'll be like when he comes home from work and the first thing he does when he sees you. We dream about our kids and growing old together. We dream about a romantic life. These extravagant expectations are often what lead to a let down in many marriages. However, there are a few Biblical principles that men are expected to live up to as far as husbandly duties, and if they do these things, us women will be satisfied beyond what we could possibly imagine. "Why?" You ask. Well, it's amazing what happens in your life if you keep your focus on the right thing: God. So if your aim is to live as He expects you to, well, true peace follows. That does not mean, however, that life will always be easy or fun, but it does mean our eternal blessings are worth the trials. I can honestly say that most women know what they want, deep down, but most do not really understand why they want it or how to express what they want. I can tell you why we want it... God put it in our hearts. BUT there's another far more important reason. Marriage is a reflection of our relationship with Christ. Jesus calls His church - His people, His bride. The day He returns will be a wedding celebration unlike any we have ever attended. Think for a second of the food, the dancing, the music... the love... hmmmmm.... Our relationship with our husband is supposed to reflect the deep intimacy Christ wants with us.

Some expectations are not realistic, but the one's that are, are the ones that Christ set in place. How your husband treats you should give you a better understanding of Christ. What are these expectations we have for our husbands? I'll start with the most important and go from there...
  1. He needs to be the Spiritual Leader of the house. If you read my God Wink story you'll know why this one is so important. If it wasn't for Kyle taking this expectation seriously from our pre-marital counseling, we would not be where we are today. There is a hierarchy for how things should be in his life: 1. God, 2. Wife, 3. Kids. and then everything else. I witness Kyle reading his Bible and praying daily. Every Monday he meets one-on-one with our pastor just to study God's word and when I saw him doing that, I wanted it too because I saw how much it blessed his life! That's when I began meeting with a woman in our church, knowing it would help in my walk with Christ and I began studying God's word and spending time in prayer. Together we are studying the book of John, we pray together, we get together and talk about what we're learning as we study the Bible on our own. We attend Bible study every Tuesday. This is all because Kyle wanted these things to happen. We bought a his and her's devotional because Kyle suggested it. We bought A Marriage After God's Own Heart by David Clarke to read together before getting married because Kyle wanted that to happen. We read the books, For Women Only and For Men Only by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn because Kyle had heard other husband and wife duo's rave about it's Biblical, but scientific analysis of women vs. men. I can't tell you how much I learned about God because of my husband's desire to focus on Him not only in his life, but in ours. Once Christ became everything around which our conversation revolved, decisions made, the things that we did and said, our lives became that much more blessed. It was all because KYLE MADE it happen, otherwise, it wouldn't have happened.
  2. We want to know we are loved and cherished. I've seen this amazing quote being passed around Facebook and Pinterest stating that the best thing a man can do for his children is love their mother. Ultimately, that's what we want.
    "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." (Ephesians 5:25-33)
    I LOVE this verse! For two reasons: 1. It vividly talks about how a husband and wife become one flesh and 2. how our husbands should love us as deeply as Christ loves us. Think about how deep that is... CHRIST GAVE HIS LIFE FOR OUR SINS. He gave himself as a selfless sacrifice! That, ladies and gentlemen, is how deeply women want to feel loved and cherished. It's ingrained in our brains. Sorry, we can't help it. We want to hear how much you love us and why you love us all the time. Tell us how beautiful we are, we want to get little notes that describe your feelings for us, we love stupid little gifts that you made or thought up, we love it when you pick flowers for us, or whisper secrets in our ear, or open the door for us... just the simplest act of grabbing our hand and squeezing it to show affection means more to a woman than you can possibly imagine! These acts of love do not have to be extravagant, but doing them daily and every time you think about how much you love us, even in the slightest (or even when you don't feel like you love us, haha, that never happens, does it ladies?) will make the world of difference in your marriage.
  3. Decisions are ultimately up to him. This does not mean, however, that our opinion should not be valued. Being a team is vital here. He should listen to what you have to say, but like Christ is the head of the church, your husband is the head of the house.
    "Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands." (Ephesians 5:22-24)
    That's a hard pill to swallow in today's day and age, but I promise that it's freeing once you decide to LET GO, and LET GOD. If you do that, you'll also let your husband feel less pressure from you. After all, you will not be held accountable to God the day you meet Him for the decisions you made with your husband. Your husband will! Can you imagine the pressure they're experiencing? Trying to please you and most importantly God? When Kyle disagrees with me I find that super irritating, but when I look at it from that perspective, I try to back off. Am I perfect? Heck no. Kyle will gladly tell you that. But knowing that Kyle will be held responsible in front of God for the decisions we make, well, I swallow my pride. That doesn't mean I won't refrain from telling him I disagree (at first I wrote gently telling him, but I erased that, because I'd be a liar! :) I need to work on that...), or having this urge to say, "I told ya so!" but it does put things in an eternal perspective and forces you to have faith in God and in your husband.
  4. Have a strong work ethic. It is ingrained in a man's head to be the provider of the home. After all, God calls him to be the leader of the home, so it would only make sense that this desire also comes into play. Women, however, do want to see their man working hard (laziness is not attractive) but they also want to see him set aside time to rest and play. Part of having a strong work ethic is making sure your working hard on making your marriage work. Set aside a date night, watch movies together, go hiking, whatever it is, work hard at making time to do what you love to do together.
  5. Be sensual. This goes back to #2, but I'll be more specific: I'm talking in terms of your intimacy and yes, that does include sex, but that's not all I'm talking about here. Women are flirtatious creatures by nature, we love to squeeze the butt, or make out as soon as you walk through the door... or share a secret "message" exchange at a gathering... Massages are a must as well. We love to touch and be touched and most of the time we want a gentle caress or a whisper. Boys are rough and rowdy by nature, girls are not, so do not treat us like that if you want us to feel like a woman. (Granted some moments call for rough and rowdy, but that's up to you and your spouse, and it's not a topic I really want to dive into here... lol.) Women want to know that you treasure everything about us, especially in today's society when we feel pressure on a daily basis to look a certain way. Make us feel BEAUTIFUL. After all, we belong to you, so show us how much you appreciate it!
    "The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
    Notice how your husbands body also belongs to you? :) It's a two way street here, hehe. If you want to know what I mean by being sensual, read Song of Solomon together. It's a beautiful story of a man and a woman coming together for the first time, whispering sweet nothings, describing the feelings and emotions they have for one another... and that's exactly how God intends it to be and it's what women crave.
So now the burning question. Why did I chose to write about this? Yesterday, I was thinking that I was blessed with an amazing husband. I began writing down all the qualities I love about him and realized these are the qualities of a godly husband, that every woman deserves. My hope was to share them so single women know what to look for in a godly husband, so wives know some realistic expectations they should have for their husband, husbands can look at this list and try to better their own marriage by living up to these expectations, and lastly, I wanted to dote on my hubby. He deserves it. So thank you God for providing me with a man who loves you, who loves me, and who inspired me to write this list in the first place. I am truly blessed!


  1. I like this post Becky. Especially #3. Sometimes it is so hard to accept this teaching. I feel that you explained it well. I might steal some of your words. I married into an extended family of extremely independent women who question why I let Bubba make a decision that I would not have made.

    I am excited for you that it is almost time for your little lady to make her debut!

    1. Yeah, number 3 was the hardest one to accept the moment the pastor who married us asked me directly if I was ready for that part of our lives. :)Once he explained why it's so important, I decided it was something I needed to work on. (I'm still doing that, lol.)Feel free to steal whatever words that will help you explain why you do what you do. :)

      I too am excited for our little girl! Can't wait.