Girls: If you have zero desire to live your life according to GOD'S STANDARDS do not read this.
I'm tired of the hogwash advice I hear from the world explaining to young people: "find yourself" or "know what you want" or "gotta try it on before you wear it" crap. I want my daughter to know the exact opposite. I want her to grow up knowing sex is beautiful, but it is so important to wait. Here's why...
1. A GOOD relationship is not built on sex. Do not believe a man who tells you, "I love you and this is how I express that love." That is the most selfish explanation of love that exists on this planet. His way of expressing love to you is by pleasing himself? Psssssh! Hogwash. If he loves you, he can find thousands of ways to express that love (roses, diamonds, elaborate dates, love letters, a thoughtful text, squeezing your hand, gifts galore, dinner, favorite candy, compliments, &etc. etc.) If you ever hear a man tell you that, leave. Quickly.
2. Orgasms are mind induced. Don't believe me? Just ask every woman who has ever faked one (um, every single one of us). You choose to enjoy your man and focus on him, whether or not you enjoy it is entirely up to you. If you truly choose to love your husband and not think of anything but him during your time together, trust me, you'll enjoy it. There is absolutely no need to "test the waters" and determine if this is something he is good at doing. Which brings me to my next point...
3. True intimacy and satisfaction take time. You aren't going to wake up one day and go, "OH that's what I like!" It takes time together and honesty, which requires that you are unashamed and have an intimate relationship. You will not find immediate satisfaction like the books and movies suggest. Be realistic. Everything you enjoy doing now is because you've had time to do it over and over and over again. You will never find the deep satisfaction and intimacy I'm talking about with one night stands. You will never, ever find out if you are meant to be with someone by having sex with him first.
4. You can have intimacy without sex. Some of my most intimate moments with Kyle do not involve sex and those moments are moments between us that I will never share. Not because they were racy, but because it was in those moments I grew in my relationship with my husband in a way that I cannot explain.
5. If you see a good relationship, you'll typically find a good friendship. Friendship is vital in establishing a solid foundation. If you can't talk, laugh, enjoy each other's company, love the "simpleton" moments where you do or say absolutely nothing, are you friends? And if you marry someone because "they're really good in bed" what will happen to your relationship if that can't happen?! Think about it: with sex comes babies and after a baby you can't have sex for at least 6 weeks and when you have a newborn in your life things change (body, time, focus, etc.).
6. In 1 Corinthians 6:16 Paul explains that you become one when you have sex. "... do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her?" In all the verses surrounding this text Paul is telling the Corinthians to flee from sexual immorality, because (verse 15) "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never!" In verse 18 Paul demands they flee from sexual immorality because "Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." (verse 18-20, bold is mine cause it's important to remember!)
7. Paul tells you in 1 Corinthians 6:20 that you were "bought with a price" (Christ's blood) and therefore you need to "glorify God in your body." Marriage is a picture of Christ (Ephesians 5:22-33) and adulterous relationships take you farther away from Christ, your husband and your father, not closer to them (you are sinning not only against God, but against your future husband, and your father because it is his job to protect your innocence and purity until he gives you away to your husband and then it's your husband's job to protect you). Be so focused on glorifying Christ in all that you do that your future husband must find HIM before knowing you. Which, again, brings me to my next point...
8. Any relationship centered around Christ, is unbreakable. YOU CANNOT LOVE YOUR HUSBAND PERFECTLY DAY IN AND DAY OUT. In fact, you won't. In fact, there will be times you despise him because you're a dirty, rotten, selfish sinner. In fact, there will be days you fail in showing love to your husband. However, If you love your husband because Christ EXUDES EVERY PORE of your body, loving your husband will be easier (notice I did NOT say easy) because you are loving him through Christ. Love is a choice you make every day. Following Christ is a choice you make every day. It isn't easy. It isn't always fun. AND IT'S A CHOICE YOU'RE MAKING RIGHT NOW (TO LOVE YOUR HUSBAND) BY DECIDING TO WAIT FOR HIM. If you decide to love your husband through sex you're opening the doors to failure, because sex is not love. Yes, it is an expression of love but it is not love. Let me say that again: SEX IS NOT LOVE. (If you want to know the attributes of love, read how Paul describes it in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8) Which brings me to my next point... (sound familiar?)...
9. If you want to know if a man truly loves you, determine what love looks like by studying God. God is love. Is he patient? Kind? Protective? Does he have the desire to take care of you? Is he arrogant? Rude? Consistently irritable with you? Is he resentful for mistakes you've made? If after this "study" you determine that he does not in fact love you, move on, and WAIT for that man God has in mind. Don't ruin a beautiful future with the man God has in mind, for a few moments of pleasure (that I promise you'll absolutely regret later).
10. God's Word very clearly states to abstain from sexual immorality. Sex with your spouse is encouraged. (Just read Song of Solomon as one example of a husband and wife clearly enjoying one another on their wedding night.) Anything outside of that is sexually immoral. If you've made a vow before God, family and friends to love your husband until the day you die, I highly encourage you to love him up. Heck, throw him on the bed if you have to! Otherwise, wait.
In today's society we have two extremes: sex is dirty or just do what makes you feel good. We need to let go of both views and toss them in the garbage. Sex is NOT a dirty, horrible act, and I hope I didn't give that impression here. I want it to be the exact opposite of that: enjoyable, fun, intimate... with your spouse. I would give my right eye to go back and say "NO!" just to save that intimacy for Kyle only (for all the reasons I've listed above). Trust me, save yourself the heartache and wait.
P.S. I'm not tell you this to make you feel guilty, especially if you have been sexually immoral. I do encourage you, however, to stop now and wait (it isn't too late!). Thankfully, because of what Christ did on the cross, we are not doomed do die for being stupid. Waiting will be the best thing for you, even if you start now.