On our way to visit my in-laws we pass by a minimum maintenance road. I always debate on whether or not to stop and take pictures because the sign and the road are beat up making it a cool picture; plus the destination always intrigues me. Where does it go? After passing it by for the umpteenth time on our way to my brother-in-laws wedding, I couldn't help but make the comparison of a minimum maintenance road to marriage, so I finally stopped to take a picture.
One of the reasons it came to mind is my study on marriage. I'll add it to my marriage is like a tree comparison, but this one is what marriage is not like...
Marriage is not like a minimum maintenance road.
One of the reasons it came to mind is my study on marriage. I'll add it to my marriage is like a tree comparison, but this one is what marriage is not like...
Marriage is not like a minimum maintenance road.
When you look at a minimum maintenance road you'll notice overgrowth, pot-holes, caving shoulders, all because it receives little or no routine attention and resources. It's quite obvious, just by looking at it, that without a vehicle built to travel these roads, you risk damaging it.
A marriage that looks similar to the above description is not a healthy marriage. It needs weeding, pot-holes addressed, caving shoulders fixed and all of this requires daily attention and hard work.
Good marriages are not perfect; they require routine maintenance.
Good marriages are not perfect; they require routine maintenance.
You see this when you dive into Scripture. God does not direct Christians to do things that are easy. In Ephesians 5:22-33, for example, Paul explains the mystery of marriage in relation to Christ and His bride. Notice that Paul gives clear direction for husbands to love their wife and wives to submit to their husband, with one important emphasis added at the end that is vitally important for wives to notice: respect your husband. He has given direction that is not easy to follow: men are called to cherish and nourish their wives as Christ did the church (25-33a) and women are called to respect and submit to their husband as the church does Christ. It is important to note that if we did these things without any effort Paul would not have given this directive. Women are better at cherishing and nourishing and men are better at respecting because those are the things we want – women desire nourishment and to be cherished, men respect. Therefore it is imperative that we make the effort to honor and respect our husband. It will not come naturally for us; we must work at it! The truth of the matter is this: a woman will not easily love a man the way he desires love if she does not honor or respect him. Both men and women need love and respect, but God gave men a deep hunger for respect and women a deep hunger for nourishment and to be cherished.
Notice the language in portions of Scripture like Ephesians and 1 Peter 3 that command, not request, husbands and wives to behave in such a way that honors God in our marriage. There are no if's. God has given us tasks that require hard work, self denial, daily attention, and (most importantly) reliance on Christ.
With that said, my target audience is not men. I do not feel that it is my job as a woman to address the directives God gives to men. So I will not spend a significant amount of time discussing them. I do, however, feel an overwhelming desire to share what I've learned through God's Word to women. It literally feels like it will spill out of me if I don't. So let's look at one example Scripture gives for us to follow...
Wives, Be Like Sarah
We are going to spend time in two portions of Scripture for this one, so grab your Bible and your Bible marking pens. This is how I mark my Bible:
We will begin in Hebrews 11:1-2,
What is conviction? A fixed or firm belief. Or the act of convincing a person by argument or evidence. So Sarah looked at creation with the understanding it was created by the very word of God and because of this evidence she knew that if God said it, it would come to pass. Her faith was sustained by the word of God, because she knew what He said and then looked to his works of the past (i.e. the creation of His universe) to give confidence of future promises.
God has spoken.
And it was so.
I began to underline the phrase, "And it was so." beginning in Genesis 1:7. God said it, and it was so. Over and over and over again. Faith does not focus on the unknowns or brood over uncertainties. Faith instead looks up to the Creator and mediates on His wondrous works. Be like Sarah, who did just that and knew that God is faithful.
He said it and it will be so.
Sarah was commended for her faith and because of her faith she was obedient to God's calling for her life. At first, she laughed at the idea of conceiving, "After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?" Yet God told Abraham, "Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, and about this time next year, and Sarah shall have a son." Genesis 18:12-14
Although she doubted at first (she's human!) we know that her faith was solid. She conceived. And she had evidence that God was faithful.
We also know of her faith in God because of her obedience.
1 Peter 3:1-6 has a lot of pink and red. Pink because it is directly applicable to me as a wife and woman and red because there is a lot of important stuff in this portion of Scripture,
Just like Sarah did in Egypt when Abraham told her to pretend she was his sister in order to save his own life (Genesis 12:10-20). Instead of trusting God, Abraham sinned and she was still obedient. God took care of her and was faithful to His promise. She was obedient despite her husband's disobedience, because she trusted GOD!
Those are not popular words because it requires self denial (like Christ) and an admittance that God designed your husband as the authority in your house. I did not write this, so don't give me a tirade on how you don't agree. Quite frankly, I do not care. I'm not God and I did not design it this way.
He is God and that's just the way it is.
He has called wives to obey.
It is not easy or even fun sometimes, but our obedience to GOD'S way of life reveals whether or not we truly believe what God has to say.
He has said it, do you have faith that it is so?
Or do you doubt?
If you are obedient to God's word Peter tells us that we can actually win an unbelieving husband by our conduct. I circled conduct in red because it's mentioned more than once. If our faith is strong, our conduct will reveal what we believe. A husband can be won without a word, which is underlined in red. This doesn't mean we shouldn't present the gospel, but we will not win a husband by preaching, nagging, badgering, begging, bugging, hounding - which will irritate him, pick at wounds, plague him, provoke him to anger, torment him. Would you want to come home to that? Instead, we will win a husband by our respectful and pure conduct. When he sees the outpouring of our faith, he is going to start asking questions and marvel at the work of God.
Verse 3 begins with our focus. What is getting our main attention? Is it our outward appearance or the inward beauty? From a distance you can see a beautiful woman. We can all picture her beauty, slender yet curvy, well done hair and makeup, a beautiful smile, bright eyes... and then you hear her talk and it kills the beauty. You can tell that her focus is on her outward appearance. Peter isn't telling women to stop caring about how you look, he's telling women to stop giving that your main attention. Consider the extravagance! You obviously have to wear clothes and you must do something with your hair, BUT focus on the things that will never fade or wrinkle. Exert more effort on your soul. Be more concerned with your inward beauty. Your husband could give a rip if you're beautiful on the outside but ugly on the inside; you will not be a person he will want to spend time with. Most importantly, if you are a woman who's foundation is in Christ, who's theology is based on the very word of God, who rests in God's sovereign hand, who meditates on the word of God and knows it by heart, who hopes in God - GOD FINDS THAT PRECIOUS! That is how the holy women of old adorned themselves! And God found them beautiful. Because they had faith in HIM and were obedient to what He called them to do - submit to your husband because it's a direct reflection of your faith in me. And people will look at you and begin to understand the mystery of my people submitting to Christ. This mystery is revealed in our conduct. Our conduct reveals our faith.
Be consumed by what God thinks of you - not what the world thinks of you.
When you do that - when you do good - when you do not live for yourself (as Christ did not live for Himself) then you will be like Sarah and not fear anything that is frightening. You will know that God is in control, what have you to fear? You will know that nothing can separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus, what have you to fear? You will look on the works of God and have faith that what He says He will do, what have you to fear? And as you look to Jesus Christ, you will have strength and dignity as your adorning and laugh at the time to come. (Proverbs 31:25)
That is how you be like Sarah, and work to make your marriage a God glorifying one.
We have MORE than Sarah!
We have the very word of God from Genesis to Revelation. 67 books to reveal God's wondrous works, that tell us of His promises, that give evidence of His faithfulness. We can read about who God is according to His word, see that He is in control and rest in Christ. That is more than Sarah had. Consider yourself blessed to live in the United States of America where we have freedom of religion and equality to learn and study. We as women, can wake up every morning with a cup of coffee and the word of God opened to instruct, encourage, and sustain us in our day to day life.
Wives, Be Like Jesus Christ
Go to Matthew 26:38-39, a passage of Scripture that was most impactful to me in terms of submission (This portion of Scripture is marked in yellow, for WOW, but it also reveals so much of Christ's heart.),
If Christ was able to endure the wrath of God on our behalf, for our sin, willingly submitting to God's will - despite not wanting to - how much more will God give us the strength to submit to our husband?
Rely on Christ in order to be like Him. In order to live as He lived, submitting to His will in our lives - revealing our faith in Him to others, we must set our minds on Christ alone. Look to the joy set before us, an eternity with Jesus.
Notice the language in portions of Scripture like Ephesians and 1 Peter 3 that command, not request, husbands and wives to behave in such a way that honors God in our marriage. There are no if's. God has given us tasks that require hard work, self denial, daily attention, and (most importantly) reliance on Christ.
With that said, my target audience is not men. I do not feel that it is my job as a woman to address the directives God gives to men. So I will not spend a significant amount of time discussing them. I do, however, feel an overwhelming desire to share what I've learned through God's Word to women. It literally feels like it will spill out of me if I don't. So let's look at one example Scripture gives for us to follow...
Before we dive in, I pray that God opens eyes, as He has mine. That women take it to heart, as God has placed it on mine. And that lives are genuinely affected so that we live differently - so that God is glorified. Then share with others what God has revealed and rely on HIM to do what He has called us to do. Only through Christ, and our faith in Him, are we able to submit as He submitted, respect as He respected, and love as He loveS.
Wives, Be Like Sarah
We are going to spend time in two portions of Scripture for this one, so grab your Bible and your Bible marking pens. This is how I mark my Bible:
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible."Then the author gives example after example of people in Scripture who, despite their imperfections, were commended for their faith. One example is Sarah, Abraham's wife,
"By faith Sarah herself received power to conceive, even when she was past the age, since she considered him faithful who had promised." (Hebrews 11:11)Sarah's obedience was a direct result of her faith. She had the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen. What is assurance? If you have assurance you have confidence in the declaration given. You have freedom from doubt, boldness, a guaranty. Sarah had freedom from doubt and set her eyes on the promise God gave her to conceive, even though she was past the age.
What is conviction? A fixed or firm belief. Or the act of convincing a person by argument or evidence. So Sarah looked at creation with the understanding it was created by the very word of God and because of this evidence she knew that if God said it, it would come to pass. Her faith was sustained by the word of God, because she knew what He said and then looked to his works of the past (i.e. the creation of His universe) to give confidence of future promises.
God has spoken.
And it was so.
I began to underline the phrase, "And it was so." beginning in Genesis 1:7. God said it, and it was so. Over and over and over again. Faith does not focus on the unknowns or brood over uncertainties. Faith instead looks up to the Creator and mediates on His wondrous works. Be like Sarah, who did just that and knew that God is faithful.
He said it and it will be so.
Sarah was commended for her faith and because of her faith she was obedient to God's calling for her life. At first, she laughed at the idea of conceiving, "After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?" Yet God told Abraham, "Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, and about this time next year, and Sarah shall have a son." Genesis 18:12-14
Although she doubted at first (she's human!) we know that her faith was solid. She conceived. And she had evidence that God was faithful.
We also know of her faith in God because of her obedience.
1 Peter 3:1-6 has a lot of pink and red. Pink because it is directly applicable to me as a wife and woman and red because there is a lot of important stuff in this portion of Scripture,
"Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening."Likewise is underlined in red. It's an important word. When you see it you must ask yourself, like who? Like what? In order to find that out you must read the previous paragraph. I'm not going to read the entire paragraph, but understand that Peter's audience there is to servants. And he's telling them, whether your master is just or unjust, obey. Like servants, wives, whether your husband is good and gentle or unjust, obey. Be subject. Submit.
Just like Sarah did in Egypt when Abraham told her to pretend she was his sister in order to save his own life (Genesis 12:10-20). Instead of trusting God, Abraham sinned and she was still obedient. God took care of her and was faithful to His promise. She was obedient despite her husband's disobedience, because she trusted GOD!
Those are not popular words because it requires self denial (like Christ) and an admittance that God designed your husband as the authority in your house. I did not write this, so don't give me a tirade on how you don't agree. Quite frankly, I do not care. I'm not God and I did not design it this way.
He is God and that's just the way it is.
He has called wives to obey.
It is not easy or even fun sometimes, but our obedience to GOD'S way of life reveals whether or not we truly believe what God has to say.
He has said it, do you have faith that it is so?
Or do you doubt?
To have faith requires strength, a high level of discipline, and good theology based on the study of God's Word. We must not see this as weakness! We are smart and strong and fearless - IF we have faith in God's Word and are obedient to it.
If you are obedient to God's word Peter tells us that we can actually win an unbelieving husband by our conduct. I circled conduct in red because it's mentioned more than once. If our faith is strong, our conduct will reveal what we believe. A husband can be won without a word, which is underlined in red. This doesn't mean we shouldn't present the gospel, but we will not win a husband by preaching, nagging, badgering, begging, bugging, hounding - which will irritate him, pick at wounds, plague him, provoke him to anger, torment him. Would you want to come home to that? Instead, we will win a husband by our respectful and pure conduct. When he sees the outpouring of our faith, he is going to start asking questions and marvel at the work of God.
Verse 3 begins with our focus. What is getting our main attention? Is it our outward appearance or the inward beauty? From a distance you can see a beautiful woman. We can all picture her beauty, slender yet curvy, well done hair and makeup, a beautiful smile, bright eyes... and then you hear her talk and it kills the beauty. You can tell that her focus is on her outward appearance. Peter isn't telling women to stop caring about how you look, he's telling women to stop giving that your main attention. Consider the extravagance! You obviously have to wear clothes and you must do something with your hair, BUT focus on the things that will never fade or wrinkle. Exert more effort on your soul. Be more concerned with your inward beauty. Your husband could give a rip if you're beautiful on the outside but ugly on the inside; you will not be a person he will want to spend time with. Most importantly, if you are a woman who's foundation is in Christ, who's theology is based on the very word of God, who rests in God's sovereign hand, who meditates on the word of God and knows it by heart, who hopes in God - GOD FINDS THAT PRECIOUS! That is how the holy women of old adorned themselves! And God found them beautiful. Because they had faith in HIM and were obedient to what He called them to do - submit to your husband because it's a direct reflection of your faith in me. And people will look at you and begin to understand the mystery of my people submitting to Christ. This mystery is revealed in our conduct. Our conduct reveals our faith.
Be consumed by what God thinks of you - not what the world thinks of you.
When you do that - when you do good - when you do not live for yourself (as Christ did not live for Himself) then you will be like Sarah and not fear anything that is frightening. You will know that God is in control, what have you to fear? You will know that nothing can separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus, what have you to fear? You will look on the works of God and have faith that what He says He will do, what have you to fear? And as you look to Jesus Christ, you will have strength and dignity as your adorning and laugh at the time to come. (Proverbs 31:25)
That is how you be like Sarah, and work to make your marriage a God glorifying one.
We have MORE than Sarah!
We have the very word of God from Genesis to Revelation. 67 books to reveal God's wondrous works, that tell us of His promises, that give evidence of His faithfulness. We can read about who God is according to His word, see that He is in control and rest in Christ. That is more than Sarah had. Consider yourself blessed to live in the United States of America where we have freedom of religion and equality to learn and study. We as women, can wake up every morning with a cup of coffee and the word of God opened to instruct, encourage, and sustain us in our day to day life.
Wives, Be Like Jesus Christ
Go to Matthew 26:38-39, a passage of Scripture that was most impactful to me in terms of submission (This portion of Scripture is marked in yellow, for WOW, but it also reveals so much of Christ's heart.),
"My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me." And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will."Jesus Christ, as evident from the statement He made to His disciples and from His prayer, did not want to die on the cross, let this cup pass from me. He knew the cost. He knew how painful it would be. He knew that He would have to endure the wrath of God for sin. He knew He would have to die for sinners. He knew He would have to defeat satan and sin and death. He knew that in order to accomplish God's will, He would have to submit to His plan, despite not wanting to endure the pain. So with the joy set before Him He gave His life willingly. He submitted with a whole heart.
"... let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2 (underlining mine) (Verse 1 is pink in my Bible for wisdom to live, verse 2 is yellow.)Wives, our most important example of how to live is Jesus Christ. He is our perfect example of submission. Even if we don't want to, do it willingly. Even if it's hard, do it willingly. Do it with the strength Christ gives, because without His perfection, His example, and His help, we cannot do it.
If Christ was able to endure the wrath of God on our behalf, for our sin, willingly submitting to God's will - despite not wanting to - how much more will God give us the strength to submit to our husband?
Rely on Christ in order to be like Him. In order to live as He lived, submitting to His will in our lives - revealing our faith in Him to others, we must set our minds on Christ alone. Look to the joy set before us, an eternity with Jesus.
Focus on Jesus Christ, for it is in Him that you will find sufficiency for your marriage. It is in His life-transforming work on the cross that you will find the provision and the power to maintain the road you journey on alongside the husband He gave you.
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