Mothers, Give Mothers Grace Upon Grace Upon Grace

Two stories were told to me today by mother's who love and care for their children with equal fervor. They are two mother's I often go to for advice, ideas, and suggestions, but today they both made mistakes. Mistakes that could've ended badly. One came to me in hysterical tears, obviously upset about what happened with one of her children. I don't know that I gave her much except a sounding board and a Kleenex to wipe her tears, but she told me afterwards that it helped to talk to me. After this encounter I have been thinking about what Jesus gives us, or doesn't give us, even though we make mistake after mistake after mistake, day after day after day, minute by blasted minute.

We are all mother's in need of grace. Some days we need more grace than others.

Grace by definition is receiving what we don't deserve. Every shortcoming we experience as mother's should land us all in hell, away from the presence of God. Every loss of temper. Every discipline act done in anger. Every time we forget to follow through on a promise made. Every time we manipulate to get what we want from our children. Every sin is a strike against a perfect and holy God whose law very clearly states that sinners cannot, and will not, be allowed in His presence and live to tell about it.

When I reflect on my motherhood in that light, I tremble until the Holy Spirit reminds me of what Jesus accomplished on the cross in His death, burial, and resurrection. In that one act He took the penalty for my sin - which is mercy, not getting what I deserve. He also gave me righteousness so that I can live in the presence of a righteous God - which is grace, getting what I don't deserve. And every day since He opened my eyes to this truth I've been living in that grace. The more I sin, the more grace I receive. It is impossible to out sin God's grace found by faith alone in Christ alone.

"... where sin increased, grace abounded all the more..." Romans 5:20

It is in this faith in Christ that I stand in grace (Romans 5:2). Stand in grace. When I screw up, I have not moved from His grace! When I reflect on my motherhood in that light, I feel free! Free from the burden of perfection. God doesn't expect perfection, He knows I'm a sinner in need of grace. He wants me to rely on Him and this grace He freely gives. Knowing that, why do I expect perfection from myself and even worse, from others? We are all sinners in need of God's amazing grace.

So mothers, if Jesus gives grace upon grace upon grace for every mistake, every imperfection, how do you think we should treat our fellow mothers? If we hold grudges, pass judgment, and become angry because of another mother's mistake, are we not putting ourselves in the place of God? Doing what Jesus does not do? He gives grace, what do we give?

Mothers, give grace upon grace upon grace. Grace is never deserved, but since Christ so generously gives us love and kindness when we don't deserve it, who are we to withhold it from another mother? Therefore, since we have this incredible gift, let's rely on the God of the universe to pass His love and kindness on to other momma's who are also desperately in need of it.

That Monologuing Parent

I grew up to sermons. As a child my father's words seemed like an endless discourse. I stopped listening after the first sentence, stopped caring, and hated the lecture I was about to receive. I felt there was no discussion, and even if asked, I very much doubt I would've been honest for fear of more sermons. I swore I would never, ever do that to my kids (if I ever had any). Still, it was just yesterday that my 3 year old daughter plugged her ears as I monologued about disobedience. 

Even as I typed that I exhaled a deep sigh, feeling a desperate need to bang my head against the wall, begging God for a change in how I deal with my wild child.

I do not want to be that monologuing parent!

A monologuing parent is ineffective. When a single person participates in a prolonged talk, speaking only what is on his/her mind, not allowing a healthy exchange of ideas or the ability to express desires or sin without fear, there is no communion or fellowship. It's incredibly difficult to have a relationship with someone who does all the talking, or is so prideful to believe there is nothing to be learned from another person - even a 3 year old! It is especially easy to fall into that trap with a child whose communication skills are being developed. Questions are hard to answer and words are hard to find for a 3 year old, and my poor child was already enduring the nonsense of a monologuing parent. Lord, help me!

A monologuing parent is equally as destructive as a parent who yells, or a parent who disciplines out of anger, or a parent who manipulates to get what he/she wants, and I find myself falling back to those sins time and time again. It takes patience, kindness, self-control, and all of these qualities of the Holy Spirit to be a loving parent - all qualities I lack in and of myself.

How on earth - if I lack those qualities needed to be a good parent - do I accomplish Christ-like parenting?

With a full reliance on the God of the universe who never, ever lacks in patience, kindness, and self-control. 

The letter Paul wrote to the churches in Galatia reveals very specific language that Christians should take note of, "walk by the Spirit" Galatians 5:16 or "If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit." Galatians 5:25 or "led by the Spirit" Galatians 5:18 and especially, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control;" Galatians 5:22-23. Note, "walk by..." and "live by..." and "keep in step with..." and "led by..." and "the fruit of the SPIRIT is..." Only when we trust in the Holy Spirit to lead us in His ways are we able to walk by and live as Christ lived - with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Sin has tainted the very core of who we are, so we do not possess perfectly the ability to love others. Only God is able to accomplish those things perfectly, and is ready, able, and willing to give His own the ability to love as we should love.

Trust the God of the universe to work! Pray with earnest, asking for His fruit, His wisdom, His thoughts, words, actions, and perfect patience. That is the only way I can resist the temptation to yell, be angry, pull my hair out, manipulate, or monologue! Just trust Him and stop putting so much pressure on myself. This reliance on Him is exactly what I need and what He desires - making us both happy in Him! And my child happy as I continually point her back to Christ, revealing constantly her momma's need for Jesus too.

Baby, we both need Jesus. Momma especially needs Jesus!

In One Years Time...

Wrapping my mind around the concept of time requires an enormous amount of effort. Time is remarkably puzzling. It reveals itself when I look in the mirror. It rusts, deteriorates, yet refines. It drags its feet on a Monday afternoon, yet accelerates on the weekends. There is never enough time to accomplish all that I need or want to do, still time seems to waste moments away. Time is valuable, but no one has enough of it. Free time is a luxury. I can burn time, take a time out, have time on my hands, kill time, and pause my timer while the sun still moves in the sky. Summertime is fleeting while the months of February and March seem endless. Sleepless nights with children tick slowly by while the first eighteen years of their life with me seem but a mist. Over time things rot, yet time heals. Time can have permanence and be temporary. Time gives wisdom and experience in an instant or in lengthy intervals. Time is continuing, constant, yet ever changing. Days stretch and years hurry. Time lives a life of paradox.

And the most baffling fact about time is that it is designed by God who governs it and is not bound by it. He gave time its seasons and made the sun know its time for setting (Psalm 104:19). Everything is governed by His time,

"For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant, and a time to pluck up with is planted, a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew, a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace." (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8) 

God "has made everything beautiful in its time." (Ecclesiastes 3:11) He accomplished, will accomplish and is accomplishing all that He wants to accomplish in the course of His time, in His perfect timing, at His appointed times. "His ways prosper at all times..." (Psalm 10:1) To Him a thousand years are but a day. His steadfast love and promises will stand firm for all time. For all time He is righteous, perfect, just, and holy, holy, holy. While He is patient with time; I am not. While He orchestrates time and all that will occur within it, I must submit to His plan - for my life (which belongs to Him), my life with my husband, for my children's life (who are really His children), for what I do and when I do it. For all time I am His and He is mine. I trust Him to use my time wisely for His purpose, my good, and His glory. All of which is hard for my finite mind to fully understand.

I wonder over the time God has given to me, especially on the one year anniversary of a loss. The endless joys, comforts, and hardships. The gains. The loss. The growth. Especially the growth. Especially within the last six years, especially within the last year.

In six years time, I've been changed through the reading of God's Word. Changed. Convicted. Comforted. I've learned the power of God's gospel. I've learned what it means to be a disciple of Christ, a godly wife, mother, servant, teacher, and friend. I nearly lost my life to gain a deeper understanding of time - here and in eternity. I learned who I am in Christ. Gained confidence in Him. Learned to let go of the nonessentials to make room for the essentials. I've learned what it means to be an instrument in the Hands of my Savior - to come alongside other women who struggle with anxiety, pride, who lack identity and confidence of who they are in Christ. I've learned the value of my testimony and why God gave me the story He gave me for the sake of His gospel. I've learned the power Christ gave to conquer sin. I've learned what it means to serve, to deny self, and love on others. I've lost friends and gained friends. All the while learning so much about the significance of quality time.

I've learned that thirty three years are short. Very short. But Jesus accomplished more in his short thirty years of life than an eighty year old accomplished in a lifetime, "Now there are many other things that Jesus did. Were very one of them to be written, I suppose the world itself could not contain the books that would be written." John 21:25 That in and of itself confounds me most!

In one years time, I've learned that the loss of a thirty three year old friend gives a whole new perspective on time - how we spend it and what is important. I only knew Erin Aerni for eight short years, but I get to spend an eternity of time, picking up from where we left off, worshiping God in His presence. I learned that to live is gain and to die is gain, if that were not true the faith we shared in Christ is in vain. Her heavenly birthday was a year ago yesterday and as I reflect on the time I spent with her I grow to love her even more.

After reading what is written of her, listening to what is said of her - what is still being written and said - I can't help but wonder, what will people say about me at my funeral? Will they say I spent my time well? That I served well? That I loved well? That I glorified God well? The truth in Ecclesiastes 7:1-2, rang true time and time again in one years time, "A good name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death than the day of birth. It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart." Funerals give perspective of time and who is in charge of it. Her death did that for me more than any other I've experienced. It was through her life and her death that I became inspired to spend more time on my eulogy than my resume. I hope and pray that the time I spend on this earth inspires others as her life still does today.

Most importantly, when my time comes, when I, like Erin, finally meet Jesus face to face, what will He say to me? Will he say I spent my time well? That I served for His purpose and His glory? That I loved well? That I glorified and honored Him well? That I trusted Him?

With all that in mind, I know how I need to spend my time. I need to call upon the Lord for all time, to trust that He is my stronghold in good times and in bad - that the time I have on this earth is in His hand (Psalm 31:15, Job 12:10 & 14:5, Exodus 23:26, Psalm 139:16). To be a woman who laughs at the time to come, trusting in His sovereignty. To hope in Him from this time forth and forevermore - whether He gives me one hundred years, or just one more year, or even just one month, a final day or one more minute of breath - I will hope in Him for all time.

What a Failed Friendship Taught Me

Approximately two years ago a friend stopped talking to me for reasons I do not fully understand. My attempts at contacting her have been unfruitful and she has alienated herself from me and our shared friendships. The entire situation is a heartbreaking one, that I hope will be healed someday, but for the time being this failed relationship has taught me so much.

Initially I felt betrayed by her accusations, seeking my husband's advice to determine if they were unfounded. He asked me some hard questions that lead to some deep growth, why did you ask their advice? Why do you care so much about what others think? Who's advice is the advice that really matters to you and why? To fully answer those questions I had to dig deep into some dark places and ask myself if I held too tightly to the opinion of others, and then why I highly valued the opinion of others. My honest answers revealed that I was too quick to care about what others thought of me. I weighed equally the opinion of others to that of God, my husband, and the woman who disciples me. In reality, God's word and the advice of my husband and from the woman who disciples me is the only advice that truly matters.

Thankfully through this loss I've experienced the healing power of God's Word, the value of prayer, the wisdom of my husband's advice, and I sought the council of the woman who disciples me - who continually points me back to Christ.

Most importantly, I realized who I am. I am Christ's alone. It is through His death on the cross, burial and resurrection that I am who I am today. I also knew that I should be thankful for what others say, because the truth of the matter is this: only God knows the deepest, darkest crevices of my heart. Those crevices are insanely deep and they are agonizingly dark. He knows every thought and the intent of every action - so the reality is that I am a 100 times worse than what she said about me. But here's the kicker, I learned that God does not view me as she views me. He paid for my sin once - and for all time - on the cross and because of Jesus I can enter the presence of a holy and blameless God as righteous. Upon the full realization of who I am in Christ, I stopped caring about what others said! My identity was founded on nothing other than Christ. This solid foundation changed my thinking, uprooted insecurities, and gave me confidence and courage. I live because He lived and died for me. The more I trusted in God, the more I relied on His design for my life. I trusted my husband more. I sought godly counsel. I hungrily read God's Word. God worked miracles in my heart and mind through the heartache of a failed friendship. I knew God was changing me from the inside out, but I did not realize how much until a random reader tagged me in a "You're an idiot sandwich" gif on Facebook. And I laughed. Truly laughed. I.didn't.care.

I didn't care!

I was free from the burden of caring what others thought of me.

So while the loss of this friendship has been a difficult and sad journey for me, I am thankful for what I learned. I am a chosen one of Jesus Christ - bought and paid for by His very blood. Everything else falls under that fact! I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a disciple maker. I am a teacher. I am a servant. This world is not my home. What I learn here in this world is preparing me for an eternity at home in the arms of my Savior. And that is what I care about... that is what I value above all things!

Tuesday's Top Ten [When Inspiration Strikes]

My brain has a hundred ideas rolling around at the most inopportune times. I'll have a stroke of genius in the shower or while doing the dishes, but when I actually have a chance to work on one of those ideas, my brain stops working. All those ideas? Gone.

At least that is what has happened to me as of late, which is why there has been nothing published since May. It is incredibly annoying. So instead of the many ideas I can't seem to finish, or even get started, I decided to share all the inconvenient times inspiration strikes...

1. The shower. I keep saying I need to bring my waterproof journal into the shower with me, but then I might never get out.

2. Doing Dishes. Standing at the sink with my hands submerged in soapy water gets the brain rolling for some reason!

3. Sorting Laundry. Between the sort-ment of  darks, gentle cycles, and whites I get lost in thought. (And no, sort-ment is not a word. The suffix -ment denotes an action, but I'm ignoring the fact that it's a suffix of nouns. Sometimes in the art of writing it's just fun to break the rules, especially when my brain could think of nothing else but "sort-ment" and would make me laugh. And this afterthought is ridiculous. Time to move on...)

4. Scrubbing toilets. 'Cause I'd rather be thinking about anything else...

5. Making meals. I do not enjoy cooking so that is probably why other ideas pop into my head.

6. In the middle of the night. Or right before I'm about to fall asleep. This is when I yell at my brain to, shut up! 

7. Driving. Behind the windshield offers some great reflection time, but if I can't write the thought down it's like a vapor or a mist the Nebraska wind blows away.

8. Waiting for my children to finish eating. Does anyone else have children who eat like little sloths? Or have to remind them to chew? It's these moments that I want to do anything, anything, other than waiting for them. Still, I should be thankful I can't write during those moments because each post would probably make me sound like a raging lunatic with irritating mouths to feed. They are so so so so so so hungry ... until I give them food.

9. Conversations with my hubby. Seriously ya'll, I married the smartest man. When I get a glimpse into his genius, I am inspired. I wish I could bottle up those conversations and store them for those moments when I do have a chance to write.

10. While I'm trying to finish one of my ideas. I'll be writing or crafting and have this idea I don't want to forget, so I put aside the one I was working on to start the next one (just so I don't forget!) and something else hits me. Do you see the ugly cycle? My struggle isn't coming up with the ideas, the struggle is often getting it started and when I do finally start it the ultimate struggle is actually finishing it!

Inspiration doesn't seem to latch on in moments when I can actually work on something from start to finish. It has been incredibly frustrating. My last post was in MAY! MAY! Which means this irritation has been festering for over a month. Hopefully you haven't given up on me and can laugh alongside me as I work through it. I am hoping that writing this down helps me overcome whatever roadblocks exist up there. One can only hope...