It is unbelievable to me that my high school graduation was fifteen years ago, my college graduation eleven years ago, and my wedding day nine years ago, which means that the gospel came alive to me ten years ago at our first marriage prep session! Looking back, these events seem like yesterday and yet, a lifetime ago. I can't explain that sentence, because I don't entirely understand it myself, but time has that paradox effect on me. (Which I wrote about a month ago already: In One Years Time, which also doesn't seem possible!)
It was this morning as I pondered this prayer in my devotions written by John Piper that I began to reflect on the fact that ten years ago I said with my mouth that I believed in God but my heart, my mind, my very life was held captive by the world. And I did not want anything to do with God's lifestyle and the idea of heaven more than perplexed me, it disgusted me. Before I go into detail about that, listen to this prayer,
Ten years ago, that very prayer would have bored me to death. Spend an eternity praising God?! No thank you. I'd rather have this life on this earth.
Ten years ago I did not understand why God was worthy of praise.
Ten years ago I did not know the attributes of God and how I'll spend an eternity learning about who He is, and surely did not know that an eternity is not long enough!
Ten years ago I did not know the word sovereignty, nor did I know anything about what, or how much, or when God's sovereign hand was applicable in history, in my present life and time, nor in the future.
Ten years ago I did not understand the holy, holy, holiness of God and my utter depravity before Him.
Ten years ago I did not read my Bible cover to cover.
Ten years ago I did not have a church family, a discipleship relationship, or even a desire to have those things.
Ten years ago I could've cared less what God had to say about my life.
Ten years ago I fought baptism.
Ten years ago I was ashamed of saying the name, "Jesus Christ" out loud - talk about God all you want, but leave Jesus out of it.
Ten years ago I feared death and loathed the worldly view of heaven I conjured up in my mind.
Oh, how much God has changed in me in ten years! And if I'm completely honest, the idea of God's worthiness, His attributes, His sovereignty, His holy, holy, holiness, His Word, His process of discipleship, His church, His way of life, His baptism, His death, burial and resurrection, His heaven are all elementary in my finite mind. I know very little of God, but the more I learn the more His greatness astounds me. The more I learn about Him the more eager I become at seeing Him with my very own eyes!
For example, just today I read this passage in Ezekiel when he said "the heavens were opened, and I saw visions of God," (Ezekiel 1:1)
Then I found myself praying, GOD! I cannot wait until I get to witness the sight of your glory around your throne with my own eyes.
Ten years ago, that would not have been on my bucket list.
I have a bucket list Pinterest board full of all these beautiful places around the world that I want to visit someday. These pictures fill my soul with longing, eager to see them, and hopeful it will happen someday. Yet, the vision of God on His throne (the most beautiful and awe inspiring vision of greatness we could ever, ever, ever behold) did not have that same effect on me because of my worldly views on it. All I envisioned was an elderly, angry God in the clouds who was going to pounce on me for all my mistakes.
Over the years God has opened my eyes even more to the depth of my sin and my utter need for Him, while also revealing the enormity of His grace, mercy, and total dependency in-through-on Jesus. As I read His Word He opens my eyes to His work and gives my soul a longing to praise Him for it, extol His name and repeat His word. I've learned more about His holiness this year than I ever thought possible. In the last six years I've nearly lost my life to gain an understanding of what it means to lay up heavenly treasures. Last year I lost a friend to gain a heavenly perspective of time, relationships, things, and identity. Since that day the gospel came alive, I've been convicted, humbled, and with all these growing pains comes a new perspective and understanding on the greatness of God. All of which help me understand that it really doesn't matter who or what is in heaven, all that matters is that I'm with Him - my Creator, my Savior, my Light, my Life.
Ten years ago, I would've thought that prayer utter insanity; which leaves me in a state of gratitude for the God of the universe taking hold of my little, itty-bitty, ant-like life and changing me forever - giving me anticipation for the day I finally meet Him face to face. Beholding His glory. In heaven. (eeeeeeeeee!) For all eternity.
Bless the Lord, O my soul.
It was this morning as I pondered this prayer in my devotions written by John Piper that I began to reflect on the fact that ten years ago I said with my mouth that I believed in God but my heart, my mind, my very life was held captive by the world. And I did not want anything to do with God's lifestyle and the idea of heaven more than perplexed me, it disgusted me. Before I go into detail about that, listen to this prayer,
"Come, soul, look at the greatness and goodness of God. Join my mouth, and let us bless the Lord with our whole being."Today, my thought after reading this prayer was, yes! I get to do this for all eternity without doubt interfering, without prideful thoughts interrupting, without my ugly heart getting in the way. I am completely and utterly uninhibited in heaven to look at the greatness of God and with my mouth praise and bless and sing and shout and I cannot wait! Until that glorious day, YES, soul, look at the greatness and goodness of God. Join my mouth, and let us bless the Lord with our whole being! Lord, give me the heart and mind to do this now and for all eternity.
Ten years ago, that very prayer would have bored me to death. Spend an eternity praising God?! No thank you. I'd rather have this life on this earth.
Ten years ago I did not understand why God was worthy of praise.
Ten years ago I did not know the attributes of God and how I'll spend an eternity learning about who He is, and surely did not know that an eternity is not long enough!
Ten years ago I did not know the word sovereignty, nor did I know anything about what, or how much, or when God's sovereign hand was applicable in history, in my present life and time, nor in the future.
Ten years ago I did not understand the holy, holy, holiness of God and my utter depravity before Him.
Ten years ago I did not read my Bible cover to cover.
Ten years ago I did not have a church family, a discipleship relationship, or even a desire to have those things.
Ten years ago I could've cared less what God had to say about my life.
Ten years ago I fought baptism.
Ten years ago I was ashamed of saying the name, "Jesus Christ" out loud - talk about God all you want, but leave Jesus out of it.
Ten years ago I feared death and loathed the worldly view of heaven I conjured up in my mind.
Oh, how much God has changed in me in ten years! And if I'm completely honest, the idea of God's worthiness, His attributes, His sovereignty, His holy, holy, holiness, His Word, His process of discipleship, His church, His way of life, His baptism, His death, burial and resurrection, His heaven are all elementary in my finite mind. I know very little of God, but the more I learn the more His greatness astounds me. The more I learn about Him the more eager I become at seeing Him with my very own eyes!
For example, just today I read this passage in Ezekiel when he said "the heavens were opened, and I saw visions of God," (Ezekiel 1:1)
"And above the expanse over their heads there was the likeness of a throne, in appearance like sapphire; and seated above the likeness of a throne was a likeness with a human appearance. And upward from what had the appearance of his waist I saw as it were gleaming metal, like the appearance of fire enclosed all around. And downward from what had the appearance of his waist I saw as it were the appearance of fire, and there was brightness around him. Like the appearance of the bow that is in the cloud on the day of rain, so was the appearance of the brightness all around. Such was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord." (Ezekiel 1:26-28)Reading that put an awe in my soul, which answered the prayer from this morning! What an immediate response that also had me in awe! I asked for an opportunity for my soul and my mouth to magnify and bless the greatness of God and He answered that prayer within the hour when I opened my Bible bookmark and read this passage. And I immediately took out my yellow highlighter (yellow = God's attributes or WOW!) and wow'd that passage alllllllll up in yellow highlighter.
Then I found myself praying, GOD! I cannot wait until I get to witness the sight of your glory around your throne with my own eyes.
Ten years ago, that would not have been on my bucket list.
I have a bucket list Pinterest board full of all these beautiful places around the world that I want to visit someday. These pictures fill my soul with longing, eager to see them, and hopeful it will happen someday. Yet, the vision of God on His throne (the most beautiful and awe inspiring vision of greatness we could ever, ever, ever behold) did not have that same effect on me because of my worldly views on it. All I envisioned was an elderly, angry God in the clouds who was going to pounce on me for all my mistakes.
Over the years God has opened my eyes even more to the depth of my sin and my utter need for Him, while also revealing the enormity of His grace, mercy, and total dependency in-through-on Jesus. As I read His Word He opens my eyes to His work and gives my soul a longing to praise Him for it, extol His name and repeat His word. I've learned more about His holiness this year than I ever thought possible. In the last six years I've nearly lost my life to gain an understanding of what it means to lay up heavenly treasures. Last year I lost a friend to gain a heavenly perspective of time, relationships, things, and identity. Since that day the gospel came alive, I've been convicted, humbled, and with all these growing pains comes a new perspective and understanding on the greatness of God. All of which help me understand that it really doesn't matter who or what is in heaven, all that matters is that I'm with Him - my Creator, my Savior, my Light, my Life.
Ten years ago, I would've thought that prayer utter insanity; which leaves me in a state of gratitude for the God of the universe taking hold of my little, itty-bitty, ant-like life and changing me forever - giving me anticipation for the day I finally meet Him face to face. Beholding His glory. In heaven. (eeeeeeeeee!) For all eternity.
Bless the Lord, O my soul.
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