Thursday, May 14, 2015

Let It Go

I wrote this days before giving birth to Eleanna and felt the need to share it. It's one of many answers to prayer and reading this post weeks after her birth has been quite an awesome reflection...


The Frozen's song Let It Go is one of my daughters favorites to sing throughout her day. She knows the song pretty well, but sings the chorus almost word for word,
Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door!

It's in the chorus, that I hear quite often throughout my day, that reminds me I too need to let it go, turn away, and slam the door. It's amazing how my daughter singing this song stands as a constant reminder that I need to let it go.

The "it" in my life is right now are these past experiences: Brielle's Birth and My Flight for Life.

I'm letting the experience of my daughter's birth give root to bitterness and fear. By allowing bitterness and fear to spring up over and over again I lose sight of what God is teaching me and I also forget that I need to give "it" to HIM. Throughout this pregnancy God has planted specific incidents that forced me to trust Him. The lesson on Sunday in Hebrews and my conversation with my husband last night were two such milestones that helped me realize I need to let go and let God.

We have been going through the book of Hebrews, word by word, sentence by sentence, chapter by chapter, every Sunday for nearly a year. I cannot tell you how much I love it. We're nearing the end; which saddens me. Words cannot express how God revealing this book to me has helped me rest in Christ, trust Him, and understand that HE IS far BETTER than everything.

God used this last Sunday's lesson to drive home that "you need to rely on ME" truth. You see just when I think I've worked through the fears and frustrations of those experiences I meet with my doctor to discuss my birth plan. She is very supportive of my med-free and intervention free aspirations and even offers advice and suggestions on how to make this possible. However, she also outlines a few concerns if the birth were not to go as hoped and what to expect in her decision processes from that point on. I am extremely thankful for this approach, but it also reawakened the fears and frustrations I thought were dealt with. Just when I think I've let it go and trust God, fears of the unknown creep up in my heart and my husband had to, once again, remind me to pray. 

That same day I contacted a few of my prayer warrior friends and asked them to join me in prayer. That alone was comforting, but the more I prayed the better I felt.
Lord, You know my heart. You know what it desires and the reasons for it. Help me to let my plan go and trust in YOUR plan. Do what seems best to You. No matter the outcome I will give you glory, I will praise you, I will give thanks to You in all circumstances because you are faithful, trustworthy, sovereign, wise, powerful... Help me to trust in You. 
This prayer was on repeat for many days and then I heard the lesson from Hebrews 12:1-17 on Sunday that outlined these truths:
  • God will use things in this life to prepare us for eternity! 
  • The Bible and the stories in it of people enduring hardships and keeping their faith exist so we do not lose faith either! Jesus is our perfect example, consider what He endured, consider what He accomplished! Consider Him so that we don't grow weary. 
  • Keep your eyes on the finish line and never sacrifice the temporal for the eternal. 
  • God does not always work to make our life better, He works to make us stronger.
Instead of trusting in the truths of God's word I was struggling with my not being in control,
Me: "God! I can't do anything about this!"
God: "I know! That's why you MUST trust ME!"

Those truths plucked on my heart strings as much as my conversation with my hubby last night. I'm reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth right now. Ina May is a world renown midwife who has delivered nearly 3,000 babies (attending the birth from beginning to end) and has knowledge to share.  I have learned so much about how my body works in the process of delivering a baby! Ina May spends a significant amount of time offering encouragement, ideas and suggestions on the how's, why's and what's of a natural birth. One vital aspect of delivering is relaxation. I was not at all relaxed in Brielle's birth. The environment was stressful, I did not receive support from my doctor, and and and and and I could go on forever. Kyle asked me to do a few things: 1. let go and completely forget about my past experience. 2. listen to him 3. let him handle the stress. That's his job. My job is to focus on the intense work that's ahead of me. It never occurred to me that I wasn't allowing Kyle to do his job as my husband during labor and delivery. I need to trust him to provide for my needs, protect me, nourish and cherish me even in the birthing process. 

So here's what this conversation made me remember: I live in a beautiful bubble where I trust in God's sovereignty and the man He gave me to provide, protect, nourish, and cherish me in all aspects of life. That leaves me free to work on what God has given me to work on: bringing life into this world. That alone entails so much work that I should not have to focus on anything else. What a beautiful job I have!

Once I let it go and let God work in my life I feel at peace. Once I begin to focus on anything but HIM, I lose sight of what He's given me and what He's teaching me. It reminds me of a quote from long ago, but one I need to remember, "You cannot drive into the future looking in the rearview mirror." Let my past go and let God work.

May the Lord do what seems good to Him. 


This blog has served as a journal on many occasions where transparency in my struggles and fears allows others to see me as I truly am: human. I never, ever want to come across as a person who "has it all together". I instead want to be seen as an imperfect individual who's learning and growing as I face all the lessons God plants in my path. I hope it gives perspective on your own fears and struggles. We will face them in this lifetime, the key is how we face them. My intention is to face them together, as one united front, praying for one another, rejoicing with one another, giving thanks in all circumstances, and praising God with one voice.

Soli Deo Gloria, To God be the Glory!

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