I had an amazing conversation about how women are talkers with one of my friends yesterday and how we can be the most conniving of them all when it comes to “talking.” This has been a common topic in our church as of late, because we are in the process of setting up a women's discipleship group. We desperately want this group to be grounded in God's Word and we most definitely do not want to be guilty of gossip or enter into a conversation that would be hurtful to someone else. So a friend and I came up with an action plan to hold one another accountable and it's one I'm going to use in all walks of life, because women need to change how they talk to one another. We decided to make a conscious effort to ax gossip, the he said/she said crap, the husband bashing, the “children complaining,” and any conversation that tends to lean towards negativity about someone in our life. We didn’t feel we participated in that per say, but on reflection we did find ourselves being sucked into conversations with other women, other friends, or a group of people that were not necessarily healthy.
We knew that needed to change. So we made what we called an “action plan.”
The reason I decided to share this plan is because I think other women will benefit from it and I want my friends to know that I don't want to participate in these types of conversations any more. I need to be held accountable! By talking, I may think I'm getting something "off my chest" but afterwards the Holy Spirit convicts me heavily and I always, always, always feel worse than before.
I feel the need to recognize, however, that women are vocal human beings. We have feelings and emotions that are hard to suppress. Still, the Bible is explicitly clear in terms of talking. (Just visit Proverbs 10:19, 11:12-13, 13:3, 16:28, 17:27-28, 20:19, 29:20; Romans 1:29-30; Ephesians 5:4; Colossians 3:8, 4:6; Titus 2:8, &etc. – that’s just the tip of the iceberg!) So what do we do when we feel like we've been wronged by someone and need to "get it off our chest"? How do we approach it biblically? How can we effectively heal the hurt or put it into perspective without talking? We can't.
Who we talk to first is VITAL in our pursuit of godly living.
Here's the action plan we came up with and how we plan to hold each other accountable....
1. Women are verbal creatures, BUT we should be verbal with GOD first. Pray, pray, pray. Ask Him to heal the situation. Ask Him to make "what I should do" blatantly obvious. And I'm not just talking one prayer, I mean "sleeping on it" every-time-it-comes-to-your-brain--constant--prayer.
2. After prayerful consideration, take it to your husband. As the spiritual leader (aka pastor) of your home he should give you advice on what to do next.
3. ASK HIM TO PRAY WITH YOU (not just once).
4. Follow through on his advice. Sometimes that means dropping the matter all together, sometimes that means confronting the person face to face, sometimes that means meeting with a PRAYERFUL friend to discuss what should be done next (if anything), sometimes that means starting over with step #1.
If we, as verbal and emotional human beings, either lash out in anger or frustration or viciously gossip about it, we are sinning. Sometimes after talking about it (first to God and then our husband) the hurt we thought was justified is put into perspective and was in reality silly, ridiculous, out of context, or nothing to moan or groan about in the first place. Sometimes, God will help you heal the hurt and you can stop there. Sometimes a husband’s perspective gives you new insight and the issue was never really an issue in the first place. And if all life's problems were handled with prayerful purpose, the problem may never have been a problem at all.
So before you open your mouth - DO THIS!
I hope this action plan will save you from a ton of heartache. If you aren't married, go to your father (because even if you’re living on your own, he is still your spiritual leader). I hope we see a huge difference in the way we talk to one another and even about one another. Our conversations need to change - for the better! I don't think we need to stop being talkers, but we need to talk to GOD first and change our focus on what and who we talk about; and by simply relying on God and submitting to HIS PLAN in our life (even in this problem) I truly believe (with every ounce of my being) that needless drama will be avoided.
Not 24 hours after making this plan, God tested my resolve. An issue came up and I immediately picked up my phone. I quite literally had to force myself to lay it down and begin praying. Once I prayed I found myself wanting to pick my phone up again; and again had to force myself to put it down and pray about that. I didn't realize how deep rooted the desire is within me to talk to others first RATHER than talking to GOD first, who (in HIS perfect timing) can work out a problem better than I ever could by acting in haste.
The four simple steps seem easy, but IT IS HARD.
Change is hard. The process of becoming a follower of Christ is hard. Still, I feel within the depths of my soul that I MUST work on being a woman of integrity and it must begin with my mouth. I think this difficult process will be worth it.
We knew that needed to change. So we made what we called an “action plan.”
The reason I decided to share this plan is because I think other women will benefit from it and I want my friends to know that I don't want to participate in these types of conversations any more. I need to be held accountable! By talking, I may think I'm getting something "off my chest" but afterwards the Holy Spirit convicts me heavily and I always, always, always feel worse than before.
I feel the need to recognize, however, that women are vocal human beings. We have feelings and emotions that are hard to suppress. Still, the Bible is explicitly clear in terms of talking. (Just visit Proverbs 10:19, 11:12-13, 13:3, 16:28, 17:27-28, 20:19, 29:20; Romans 1:29-30; Ephesians 5:4; Colossians 3:8, 4:6; Titus 2:8, &etc. – that’s just the tip of the iceberg!) So what do we do when we feel like we've been wronged by someone and need to "get it off our chest"? How do we approach it biblically? How can we effectively heal the hurt or put it into perspective without talking? We can't.
Who we talk to first is VITAL in our pursuit of godly living.
Here's the action plan we came up with and how we plan to hold each other accountable....
1. Women are verbal creatures, BUT we should be verbal with GOD first. Pray, pray, pray. Ask Him to heal the situation. Ask Him to make "what I should do" blatantly obvious. And I'm not just talking one prayer, I mean "sleeping on it" every-time-it-comes-to-your-brain--constant--prayer.
2. After prayerful consideration, take it to your husband. As the spiritual leader (aka pastor) of your home he should give you advice on what to do next.
3. ASK HIM TO PRAY WITH YOU (not just once).
4. Follow through on his advice. Sometimes that means dropping the matter all together, sometimes that means confronting the person face to face, sometimes that means meeting with a PRAYERFUL friend to discuss what should be done next (if anything), sometimes that means starting over with step #1.
If we, as verbal and emotional human beings, either lash out in anger or frustration or viciously gossip about it, we are sinning. Sometimes after talking about it (first to God and then our husband) the hurt we thought was justified is put into perspective and was in reality silly, ridiculous, out of context, or nothing to moan or groan about in the first place. Sometimes, God will help you heal the hurt and you can stop there. Sometimes a husband’s perspective gives you new insight and the issue was never really an issue in the first place. And if all life's problems were handled with prayerful purpose, the problem may never have been a problem at all.
So before you open your mouth - DO THIS!
--------------------------------------------------
The four simple steps seem easy, but IT IS HARD.
Change is hard. The process of becoming a follower of Christ is hard. Still, I feel within the depths of my soul that I MUST work on being a woman of integrity and it must begin with my mouth. I think this difficult process will be worth it.
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